{"id":1641,"date":"2013-07-13T23:29:15","date_gmt":"2013-07-13T23:29:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/har0ld.com\/playground\/?p=1641"},"modified":"2013-07-13T23:29:15","modified_gmt":"2013-07-13T23:29:15","slug":"black-gold-of-the-sun","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/har0ld.com\/playground\/2013\/07\/black-gold-of-the-sun\/","title":{"rendered":"Black gold of the sun"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I recently turned 34 and I don\u2019t dwell on the past or think about how I happened to be where I am now. The ride is so insane, Six Flags will not have one of these before a long, long time.<\/p>\n<p>My mom finally found a receipt I absolutely need for my immigration process even though my status is automatically prolonged. It feels weird to have your life depend on a paper notice, challenging the idea that microchips and biometrics are useful. Anyway, I will always feel OK helping my parents but I always feel so mad at myself for asking them to help me out, especially to find a damn paper. Sorry mom, I blame Six Flags.<\/p>\n<p>I have been following Zimmerman\u2019s trial sporadically, when the hashtag occurrence passes a threshold. It\u2019s when I see Trayvon\u2019s parents with all their dignity that I think black people are the strongest people in the world without a feel of superiority, just the feeling of being proud. Which immediately pops up the question in my head <em>\u201cwhere you at in my life, black folks? I haven\u2019t seen you in forever\u201d<\/em>. This intense emergency of simply have black people around, more of them is burning my heart at a solar temperature level. I always have to seal the door very quickly after starting to feel this. And the door stays incandescently red.<\/p>\n<p>I try to be careful, not to jump in the lava. It\u2019s about that <a href=\"http:\/\/har0ld.com\/playground\/2013\/06\/survival-bias\/\">survival bias<\/a> thing. But that feeling that I need black people around me more to feel better is so anchored in my bones, at least feels unstoppable sometimes.<\/p>\n<p>Pragmatically I don\u2019t want to think about it <em>I have shit to do, son<\/em> but what if it makes me crazy at some point? I always felt that if I cared about people around me, I\u2019d be all right. It\u2019s been true so far but it doesn\u2019t really help with satisfying growing feelings.<\/p>\n<p>Chilling with my black internet folks helps a lot though. Fake internet friends are not so fake.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I recently turned 34 and I don\u2019t dwell on the past or think about how I happened to be where I am now. The ride is so insane, Six Flags will not have one of these before a long, long time. My mom finally found a receipt I absolutely need for my immigration process even [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[3],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/har0ld.com\/playground\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1641"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/har0ld.com\/playground\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/har0ld.com\/playground\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/har0ld.com\/playground\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/har0ld.com\/playground\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1641"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/har0ld.com\/playground\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1641\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/har0ld.com\/playground\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1641"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/har0ld.com\/playground\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1641"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/har0ld.com\/playground\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1641"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}