{"id":1921,"date":"2014-11-10T02:10:18","date_gmt":"2014-11-10T02:10:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/har0ld.com\/playground\/?p=1921"},"modified":"2014-11-10T02:10:22","modified_gmt":"2014-11-10T02:10:22","slug":"this-my-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/har0ld.com\/playground\/2014\/11\/this-my-life\/","title":{"rendered":"This my life"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/EricaJoy\" target=\"_blank\">Erica Joy<\/a> wrote this&#160; very important <a href=\"https:\/\/medium.com\/@ericajoy\/the-other-side-of-diversity-1bb3de2f053e\" target=\"_blank\">blog post<\/a>, the other side of diversity, here\u2019s the intro:<\/p>\n<p><a><\/a><em>\u201cThe prevailing narrative surrounding minorities in tech relates to how beneficial employing minorities can be for a company and\/or how detrimental the lack of diverse perspectives can be. I\u2019ve searched for, and have been disappointed to find that few studies have been done on the psychological effects of being a minority in a mostly homogeneous workplace for an extended period of time.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>This is how she feels about it and I can relate pretty much a 100% (14 years in game development):<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>I feel alone every day I come to work, despite being surrounded by people, which results in feelings of isolation. <\/li>\n<li>I feel like I stick out like sore thumb every day. <\/li>\n<li>I am constantly making micro-evaluations about whether or not my actions will be attributed to my being &quot;different.&quot; <\/li>\n<li>I feel like my presence makes others uncomfortable so I try to make them feel comfortable. <\/li>\n<li>I feel like there isn&#8217;t anyone who can identify with my story, so I don&#8217;t tell it. <\/li>\n<li>I feel like I have to walk a tightrope to avoid reinforcing stereotypes while still being heard. <\/li>\n<li>I have to navigate the expectation of stereotypical behavior and disappointment when it doesn&#8217;t happen (e.g. my not being the &quot;sassy black woman&quot;). <\/li>\n<li>I frequently wonder how my race and gender are coloring perceptions of me. <\/li>\n<li>I wonder if and when I&#8217;ve encountered racists (the numbers say it&#8217;s almost guaranteed that I have) and whether or not they&#8217;ve had an effect on my career. <\/li>\n<li>I feel a constant low level of stress every day, just by virtue of existing in my environment. <\/li>\n<li>I feel like I&#8217;ve lost my entire cultural identity in effort to be part of the culture I&#8217;ve spent the majority of the last decade in. <\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Adding twists for more fun: first I\u2019m a black male, feminist basically the opposite of black male stereotypes. The thing with casual racism\/sexism in a dudebro setting \u2013in France, but tech culture is the same everywhere- is that you can take it forever, you understand where everything comes from (mostly ignorance), you\u2019re at work, jokes, professionalism, etc. No problem. But then it wears you out. Part of&#160; the pros of going freelance was that this problem was now solved. There is no shield or shelter nor hiding for black dudes, only taking it or running away. I still think I can take it despite the fact that it does wear me out. Oh, I can remember some painful moments but I tend not to. It\u2019s a running thing.<\/p>\n<p>Second I grew up with white people thus making me absolutely bad with race boundaries, especially at work. I don\u2019t fit the box people put my black ass in, it\u2019s funny for them for a while <em>you\u2019re different!<\/em> but then they put me in the white box and I don\u2019t fit there either. Aliens, hybrids freak people out. I do have perspective they don\u2019t or even ever had thought of. Of course I\u2019ve learned to shut up. Well I write, that\u2019s true.<\/p>\n<p>Lastly, game development is tech but also culture. On the tech side as a designer who knows his technical stuff, relationships with programmers always have been great thanks to being a bro too. With other designers, though\u2026 It\u2019s been more complex. Remember we\u2019re talking about a 2-2.5% black community. Black culture influence simply doesn\u2019t exist in game development but is all over the place for the rest of our entertainment. I\u2019ve always had to ponder if my aesthetic choices were too \u201curban\u201d for games or design decision too black for white people. So much psychology and subtlety in the choice of sounds melodies, beats with race in mind, it\u2019s pretty fascinating. But such a crazy overhead. <em>Post-racial\u2026Ha!<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Back to the bullet points loop. Add the outside world like Ferguson and all the black men dead or shot by people supposed to protect us this summer and you can understand why I feel like a mix of:<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" height=\"270\" src=\"\/\/giphy.com\/embed\/17bvpzBFFQ5Xi\" frameborder=\"0\" width=\"480\" mozallowfullscreen=\"mozallowfullscreen\" webkitallowfullscreen=\"webkitallowfullscreen\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>and<\/p>\n<p> <iframe loading=\"lazy\" height=\"437\" src=\"\/\/giphy.com\/embed\/Pi6Nc1HObb96g\" frameborder=\"0\" width=\"480\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\" mozallowfullscreen=\"mozallowfullscreen\" webkitallowfullscreen=\"webkitallowfullscreen\"><\/iframe>  <\/p>\n<p>sometimes. I just don\u2019t know what to do or what people expect from me. There\u2019s pressure from every corner and I try to cope with it. Like Erica I try to connect, reach out, meet up. It\u2019s moving on, it\u2019s slow. It feels like an escape plan and that doesn\u2019t feel right.<\/p>\n<p>I just try to do my best, all the time. Do what I\u2019m good at. Be nice. Try out. There will be more Larry David moments. It\u2019s OK.<\/p>\n<p>I have been the only black person my entire life, token or not. I wrote a <a href=\"http:\/\/har0ld.com\/playground\/2014\/10\/mutation\/\" target=\"_blank\">couple of days ago<\/a> how working here in LA with black folks after 35 years on earth felt like\u2026 Really good? For the first time I understand what white people have been living all along and it hurts how much it would have changed me. At the same time it would have made me stay in France, probably. I now live by one of the most beautiful black neighborhood in the world. I\u2019m an international OG 80s black nerd and more, I feel great I feel like I belong in everything I do. I hope to find more peace doing what I do with great people here in LA. Adventure time.<\/p>\n<p>And now I found myself falling in love with modern architecture! That thing is so white even white people are like <em>nope<\/em>. But I\u2019m just a designer who loves minimalist, efficient things and I can\u2019t help but want to learn more regardless of who\u2019s making up the majority in that field. When you think about it, wondering about race this way is some medieval line of thoughts.<\/p>\n<p>Don\u2019t give up. Don\u2019t be afraid. And don\u2019t forget to be You. You\u2019ll cry. You\u2019ll be mad. You\u2019ll wonder. But nothing changes without you.<\/p>\n<p>Thank you, Erica.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Erica Joy wrote this&#160; very important blog post, the other side of diversity, here\u2019s the intro: \u201cThe prevailing narrative surrounding minorities in tech relates to how beneficial employing minorities can be for a company and\/or how detrimental the lack of diverse perspectives can be. I\u2019ve searched for, and have been disappointed to find that few [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[3],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/har0ld.com\/playground\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1921"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/har0ld.com\/playground\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/har0ld.com\/playground\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/har0ld.com\/playground\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/har0ld.com\/playground\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1921"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/har0ld.com\/playground\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1921\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1922,"href":"http:\/\/har0ld.com\/playground\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1921\/revisions\/1922"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/har0ld.com\/playground\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1921"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/har0ld.com\/playground\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1921"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/har0ld.com\/playground\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1921"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}