Halp? Nah.

I’m bragging and writing how I’m the best thing on earth but I kind of need it, it’s never been that hard in my head. I feel like shit.

I desperately need a job in L.A. I always have been able to do without it for now but I can’t anymore. Last job opportunity looked awesome but before I could make a difference it didn’t happened. Meanwhile the game industry is in full restructuration there, is kind of in a hibernation mode in France. I could rent my apartment at crazy Parisian prices but the place needs quite some work done, for which I don’t really have any budget.

It is such a bad time to leave as my parents def need help and my sister is near useless. I was reading Derek’s blog post (you should subscribe) an American living in Singapore these days and he was talking about how there they’re all about family while they’re all about individuals in the US. Well in Europe we’re both and we are indeed, getting fucked.

Add the immigration layer: I am a permanent resident of the US but I spend too much time outside and they don’t like it. Trust me USCIS, if I had been able to import my tiny world and simply settle, work and pay taxes I would have. But it’s a little more complicated like, a lot. Somehow traveling every couple of months makes me neither American or French. I am this weird English French speaking hybrid who knows that there is not perfect place but hey, turns out you have to choose a fucking destination.

I always found solutions but I can’t find a good one for this big, poisoning headache.

I realize that I don’t’ dream anymore -that is, making plans- and I need to but all I can do is get stuck with odd boring jobs, game development problems or difficulties to focus on sound. Shit.

Well. The decade old black security guard at the Monoprix doesn’t have that kind of problems and I should probably shut the fuck up. Damn it feels good to have a blog.