Bros first

April 17th, 2014 by harold

The closest people from my personal story are Barack Obama, Mario Balotelli and Frantz Fanon. Black dudes who grew up in a white world without black people around which for some reason, made us anxious as hell and confused.

Barack found peace marrying the blackest, smartest woman he could find. She mentored him, the rest is history. Nicely done, B.

Mario is still searching for peace, got a baby girl without wanting her, still fighting an incredibly crazy world of irrational love when he scores, spits and banana peels when he doesn’t. Hang tight son I’m ten years older and I’m telling you, the rollercoaster has just started.

Frantz is dead. He wrote all his life about how fucked up things are, race wise. It’s incredibly disheartening to witness that a book published sixty motherfucking five years ago still describes accurately what is going on socially: black people, white people and language. Black women and white men. White women and black men. All that stuff is still happening. It’s about survival. It’s still about survival.

Me? Well I have a plan but sure, I’m still searching for inner peace I guess. I read too much. White kids and babies are still really fascinated by my face. They look at me with this intensity, I feel like a Nubian King (“now bow down, little fucker!”). And I still haven’t hold a black baby in my arms. Ever. I will cry and not hear anything around me, no doubt. If that happens.

My relationship with my parents is so surreal now. It’s like they have a son, stripped down from all identity from their point of view. And it doesn’t matter to them because as long as I’m around helping them out they’re happy. I’m not and they don’t really get it. More like they don’t want to, a bit. Sometimes I explain stuff to them, my point of view, throw some numbers and stats and they are crushed, looking down. And I’m like, “exactly!” that’s what I feel too but I can’t stop won’t stop so don’t be sad, just show some support from time to time.

But it’s easier to do like none of that stuff exists. France is world champion hands down on that behavior so I know it’s cultural, not that my parents are mean, though they could be cooler. I mean, even my sister says it. God, it’s so weird. Yet so rich.

I dream of sleeping and waking up in LA everyday. It’s getting closer.

Frankie Knuckles

April 10th, 2014 by harold

The godfather of house passed away last week. I didn’t talk about Don Blackman and George Duke who passed last year and who are such huge giants and influences over music and myself.

But Frankie is different. I started to listen to house music early 2000s, kind of part of me discovering any type of music and electronic music was still quite obscure. I didn’t even know it was noted as gay music. I had listened to some early house, far in the night on the radio station (1991’s Crystal Waters’ Gypsy Woman had been huge here in Europe)  but I thought it was kind of repetitive.

Ha! That’s the thing. You repeat. You forget. You vibrate. And then you dance.

I hadn’t been into dancing before that I just knew mosh pits, the opposite of synchronizing your body. House music made me learn to take my time and not care, just groove until the morning or until my pasta is ready. It’s an important message, still.

Later on mid 2000s I learned about the disco demolition night, the refuge that house music provided to minorities, especially homosexuals who needed some love in a world that just couldn’t stand one of them. In that, to me house music was democratic, bringing together my straight ass, girls booty and gay dudes and lesbians on the dance floor, how many music genre can do that that well? Only one.

RIP Frankie, and thank you for pioneering an entire world. Also please fellow black people, lay off the damn sugars y’all dying from this shit.


April 9th, 2014 by harold

Well I still have two fireplaces to dismantle but, the big dirty cleaning of the attic is mostly done.

Dust, man. Dust is tiring. At first you really don’t care but after five hours you just need to lie down uncomfortably with water running down your nose. Good thing it’s over.

All the trash has to go somewhere though and I have almost 40 bags of that. It’s complicated to get rid of that stuff, you either have to show 3 IDs at the same name –I get screwed on the car one- to drop it off in a waste bin, where thrash is filtered out and you pay if it’s not done before and I didn’t do it because it’s fucking trash.

It’s crazy how complex things became in 30 years sometimes. Before, you could just drive to any dumpster and drop your stuff in, the end. Now I have to get my bags one by one from the attic, three times a week and make my neighbors hate me for filling up the main trash bin. All of that to get rid of stuff from someone who lived here back in the 50s, THANKS BUT NO THANKS MAN.

I’m going to be so in shape back in LA, I might become an action movie star/governor/Austrian wait no but uh, I’m hungry.

Patterns and communities

April 8th, 2014 by harold

I realize that the most efficient, stable, future-proof, private and fair protocol is peer to peer. Bitcoin, Bittorrent, Tor but also B2C or eCommerce. The more direct the connection is, the better. The more atomic, the more flexible, the stronger. The less spectacular too.

I always wonder why that P2P pattern doesn’t  stick well despite all its qualities and I think it’s because of communities’ attractiveness. Communities create interest, hierarchy, friction and ultimately war against other communities. It doesn’t matter how the community has been created, would it be to genuinely make things better. At some point, that community will annoy people out of it, people in another community or people inside that community who are a bit different. It’s just a matter of time. Meanwhile, individuals, us, are suddenly made invisible and irrelevant.

It’s everywhere, we see it all the time from Crimea to Mozilla. It’s a really weird problem. If history tells us that communities are poisonous, why people still bother building them then? Habits. I think it’s a thing of the past, even though we are passing debt from countries to countries today we still socialize at a tribe level. Also, greed: communities become that really efficient machine that takes control over individuals and sucks everything –time, energy, money- out of you and makes a giggling minority abusing its power in some way, at some point, always. Power is exciting and then you get drunk on it.

In a P2P system that can’t really happen it’s all about fairness, trust and peace. It’s boring, but it’s stable as fuck.

Why stability would be important? Well that’s how the universe gave us the Earth, through stability. This is how humans made insane progress in the last 60 years, through stability. This is how you raise a family at best, through a stable life. It’s a beautiful constant in this world.

We humans should stabilize our shit more. It’s boring, but someone has to do it. We’ll have fun after that. Loads.

The classic sex talk blog post that ends up with Bonobos

April 7th, 2014 by harold

My biggest problem with all the discussion around sex work and porn is not how it makes some people survive, some people live, some people happy. It’s like, “cool story, hoe.” (I HAD to do it, only five years that I’m writing English)

My biggest problem is that sex work and porn are so ridiculously aimed toward men’s really dumb sex culture that it inherently cannot be something good for women, as we can witness: look out for sex discussions online today and you will see young women finding masturbation –touching your own body- disgusting while they think they should have anal sex to have “real sex without problems”.

I mean that’s fucking twisted, people. That needs to stop. It’s damn confusing for them too.

See, women even the horniest ones are not avidly collecting DVDs full of big dicks and if they do, they don’t brag about it. Women don’t argue to have the ability, the right to pay for sex. They mostly don’t do that, only men. Not all men, just some of us.

So why the fuck would we shape ALL laws and ALL markets for those guys? That’s ridiculous.

It’s the same pattern with porn business: fine, porn, fetish, hardcore sex, no biggie. These are performers, nothing good or bad. But why is that always so awful with a focus on what I guess old white dudes in control of that industry think is turning people on? Why the nails, why the heels, why the gross dudes (“they come across as unappealingly gymmish and overdone: shiny, smooth bodies annelid with veins, and usually something slightly Lou Ferrigno about their faces.”, says Julieanne, very accurately) why the socks, why the you-are-so-not-on-target-sir cunnilingus and the so sad because mandatory money shot. Why virtually all of my dude friends got a finger in their butt and liked it but SHHHH it virtually doesn’t exist in porn? Why the kid-like pussies? I want some real, prominent vulvas in my face because they scream womanhood and make me uncomfortable that is, hot. Anyway today’s porn standards are very, very, disappointing. Still. It’s a damn shame.

We focus so much the sex work/porn star talk on rights, it’s not about rights of doing whatever you want with your body, I think you guys are totally doing it. It’s about the actual impact of decades of a pretty vile culture out there, which is far from good. It’s not the lauded acts: it’s the terrible, doesn’t-want-to-die porn design. I believe that men have most of the heavy, sex culture lifting to do and rearrange that mess, which is why we don’t do shit (hey, we’re men!). Of course none of the people making money out of sex will care about the culture they are fostering, nothing personal it’s business and if you young motherfuckers think it’s real life well you’re dumb! People are more capitalist than capitalism itself.

The thing is, there are a lot of not so bright people and I don’t think they deserve to be manipulated, from young folks growing up today confused by our own taboos, lies and double standards toward sex to women who “choose” to do something pretty hardcore out of necessity or lack of choice. Saying “but this is how it works” is usually something said by someone out of the problem or profiting the issue.

I don’t think people should get paid to get on their knees and suck genitals, but I don’t think we should pay people to clean up our toilet bowls either. I know it happens, I applaud people’s courage to do those jobs (no, for real) but I ultimately think that people should fuck a lot more (endorphins), for free (FREE ENDORPHINS), and that toilet bowls should have built-in robots.

But this way I just killed very lucrative businesses and if I could do that in a heartbeat in real life, a hit man would be standing in front of me right now, ready to complete the mission.

If only we could live like Bonobos “Hi, is there a problem?” *goes down on you* we wouldn’t need none of that trade shit. That would be swell, wouldn’t it?

Disclaimer: working sporadically on an erotic game prototype for the past four years, I still do extensive reading and research on sex.

Game jams are about games

April 1st, 2014 by harold

So that was the big story yesterday: Inside the disintegration of a game jam reality show. It’s always great to see integrity.

But to me there’s still a notion that game jams are something you want to show to the world. Zoe Quinn gives us her wishes:

Capture the inspiration, the hard work, the 3am delirium and the dumb jokes that come with it. Show people how we all band together and support each other through the deadline. That’s what I want to show the world about game jams.

I think we have to face the fact that this is not sexy or interesting to most people. It’s awesome when you’re doing it, not watching it. Game development like most building processes is not something you want to show people THAT much: it’s messy, it smells like sweat and pizza more often than not, it’s hard, it’s tedious, it’s slow, it’s nerve wrecking. Did I mention that it was hard? You are a pile of useless shit after a game jam. Really useless.

I mean even with elegant and “artsy” medium like music or movies we don’t care so much about behind the scenes. Culturally, people know that it’s messy and thus are not very interested in the making of, which is why behind the scenes stuff are usually hidden promotional tools. People want to play guitar not because they know Jimi played that part 23 times before having the good one, but because listening to that song make people want to learn guitar.

Documenting how gamedev works is great but that will not trigger a wave of thirsty young folks to join in. Nerds are already toying with code and games and others will be like, ew.

What I would love to see is an app store like distribution of those jam games. If I could install/uninstall in one click and run all the games, share them easily regardless of your platform of course, that would be amazing. I’m sure there are some unheard of gems from the hundreds of games made during jams on top of which people could expand.

I want edgy, unethical, indecent –indie-scent, yes I’m sorry- games in game jams, that’s what I wish we were focusing on more than the community aspect. I want individuals more than tribes. I want games more than jams.

Because ultimately, people and their games will make other people make games.

Are You?

March 30th, 2014 by harold

Kind of a I don’t give a shit track, just bop that head. Full throttle until the scorching solo done in one shot, one take. The first keyboard solo I’m proud of!

Next track might be some light, spring-ish jazzy and sweet house music… Love,


March 28th, 2014 by harold

Well, that made the headlines.

Money and roadmap wise, it makes sense. For so many other reasons, it’s super weird. Worrisome? We can only speculate.

Classic game developer paradox: Be angry at capitalism buying your favorite technology out but adore Nintendo, a capitalism champion. Anyway.

I’m more concerned about VR in itself, seen by a big part of the industry as the savior of the “videogame bastion”, where players get lost and forget about the real world. The Real Escapism.

To me, not including audio as part of the built-in experience is already a big design flaw (that they can now solve, thanks $$). But I have a bigger concern about Escapism. I think we need less of that, instead of more.

I feel like I want way more people playing on 7” to 70” tablets than having them plug VR sets. I feel like there’s still so much to do and bring to people before going nuts for something I have been dreaming of ever since the start of those helmets back in the early 90s. It’s not because I dreamed of how cool it could be that “it has to happen”. In today’s society, already battling a terrible plague of people incapable of not looking at their phones while talking to you, I think VR can wait a bit.

I want 2D. I want sharing. Collaboration, fair competition. Neat games, software, local services etc. I still want to empower people more than making them my bitch, my ultimate bitch with VR. VR is so far away in my head.

I want less excitement. I want people to chill. I want people to enjoy stuff, games, your game, my sound design, on devices that did not even exist a decade ago.

So much work to do. VR can wait.

On your own

March 27th, 2014 by harold

Very long and interesting interview of  Sophia Amoruso, CEO of Nasty Gal on YT. If you don’t have the time, Wikipedia.

The down to earth, I do everything I can approach talks to me. Like Morten says it’s simple, not easy.

I really wonder how that plays out in the world of fashion, not necessarily the most pragmatic field but I guess they’re doing all right.

I’m about 45% in getting my attic clean and ready for insulation. I’ll soon have done on my own a couple thousands of euros/dollars/crypto next thingy worth of work.

At first you cringe at that mountain of shit you have to deal with but then you don’t own nothing in any way to anyone and that is a pretty comfortable feeling. It’s also lonely and a much bigger scale like a thriving business doesn’t change that, as Sophia points out. Not that I didn’t know, it just validates and ticks another box in my mind.

I never know when to reach for help, maybe that’s a side effect of fierce independence and strong patience. Isn’t a bit poisonous at some point? I always feel like mating with the wrong people doesn’t yield better results and, you lose time, the most precious currency available to us humans.

Why is that always about balance? It’s ridiculous. Oh and focus. Right.

Beat N62

March 22nd, 2014 by harold

Experimenting. Exposing my feelings, quite confused I guess. Love,