It’s been a little intense in the past few weeks. Things got cancelled, people quit, I didn’t get a job that I was eyeing hard and as too often in this economy or world I don’t know, I just don’t know where I failed, where I can improve. Things looked pretty good, on my way to the third interview aka the Final Stage but yeah, nope. There will be other opportunities. Time to regroup and breathe.
Still watching or not watching those videos of black people getting murdered, brutalized, killed. Everyday. My mind becomes an anechoic chamber. Not a single white person talks to me about that, I can tell it’s not even on their radar. Not even a little, two minute chat where I can hear a white person tell me “yeah, this is fucked up” so that I don’t feel like we’re against each other. Black people are on the edge and you keep looking away. I feel like this summer is going to be crazy and desperate.
Of course this stays here or locked up in my mind and I just act as if all of that wasn’t happening most of the time. Sometimes I wonder if it’s a good thing to lie to and convince myself that everything is cool, everything is awesome when I have tangible proof that it’s fucking not.
Sorry! I forgot to breathe.
The other day:
Yes, I stopped and helped him too.
That clueless old white man got his car back on the road thanks to five black and brown young people pushing his ass back in the parking lot. I thought it was consistent with the world we’re living in.