I always been an outsider in France but now it’s becoming serious. I feel like a stranger. Speaking French is incredibly odd, searching for words and not feeling comfortable at all.
I don’t know why but seeing Asians and black people NOT speaking English freaks the shit out of me. I want to hear this rolling and low riding Californian accent. This tone.
Of course speaking French fucks up my English and I try not to speak my native language if I can, which is easy by living alone coupled to the rise of self-checkout machines. But my biggest problem is that I really don’t care a lot about what’s going on here. I did before, feeling “back to my hometown” but now I really don’t. Because I don’t feel close in any way. I feel like nothing changes in my old country and my generation is heavily settling down now so it’s going to get worse, as an individual. Being the guitar playing black friend in the park hanging out with white couples+ babies? Not really wanting that. I’ve seen this soft cooning, it’s sad. I’m trying to escape that.
It’s difficult to sit on the fence. Looking back and forth. Left, right.
One reply on “First Fence”
“my biggest problem is that I really don’t care a lot about what’s going on here” ; Welcome to the club !