I’m standing in the corner of that place that sells a lot of coffees. There’s some beverage based on a unicorn? I don’t know, I don’t care. I’m early for a job interview and I could use more caffeine. It is sunny and crowded. I can feel, really feel the The Office vibe. Groups of women, a lot. The kind of obnoxious one talking a lot and not caring about what’s going on around is standing next to me, waiting for her name too. Her coworker is totally’ing her so hard. The classic group of three black women + one, in this case a white woman. Patterns are funny.
I’m looking around differently now. I saw all of us humans, but one. a black man. I don’t know how many times I have been scanning a room in my life looking for that dude. But I’m pretty good at it now. I almost instantly spot the employee and count him out, it’s cheating. All entry level jobs have black dudes. I spot him right after, kind of in the middle there, sitting on a table, kind of leaning on it.
He’s wearing a black hoodie. The contrast is pretty strong, it’s beige and white around and there’s this intriguing dark spot right there. I kind of know. He’s homeless. Maybe? If we were in Hollywood he could be anything really but here…
So this brother kind of wakes up because of all that sudden noise and chatter and I’m staring at him and he scans the room too and sees me real quick and I can barely take his eyes looking straight into mine. I’m immediately overwhelmed and not in the mood of fucking crying fuck can I get my coffee now?
In less than 150ms everything clicks, everything adds up and everything is awful. I’m here for an entry-level job and I’m feeling fine and feeling in pain at the same time and it’s because I shouldn’t really be here but I am and it feels so damn lonely and hell, the others me are not doing so good and there’s only two of them in sight. All the time. I shift+delete those thoughts and they keep coming but I’m pouring some sugar in my latte, trying to keep it busy. Patterns are not funny.
Meanwhile he’s calmly moved away from the center of the room and tries to hide the fact that he doesn’t have much to do here. Me neither I guess. He slides through people like a ghost and settles in a calmer area, next to the bathroom. “Good spot” I think while going the other way, back to my car.
I didn’t get the job, the team who interviewed me didn’t seem happy –huge euphemism here- anyway so I guess… I don’t know. I hope he’s alright and will continue to do so even though I know… I hope I’ll be alright. I’m stranded, I do everything I can but brother wherever you are please, please, please don’t give up. Pour those screams into the rocket that will propel you to your destination. Be humble, channel. It’s going to be long, pace yourself but stay in the higher rpm, ready. Never forget why you’re doing it. Persist. Good luck, I love you my man.