If you’re a dude in that decade between 10 and 20, chances are you’re spending most of your time with your peers, judging and talking shit about women. We’re here sitting with our beers, telling our friends that we hate that girl or would fuck this one etc. It’s pretty limited. I couldn’t live this past 20, sorry.
I was 21 and the time was spring 2001 when I went on my own to a feminist meeting. No one knew, at that time feminism was totally unspoken of even though feminism is older than dust. I was in a relationship at that time and I was wondering about the future and how does it work with a woman in your life, stuff like that. I didn’t trust girls when I was a teenager, they all seemed to not know or want anything from when they’ll be adults. To me what women of my generation were supposed to do was to have plans other than stay at home. But it was more complex to approach for them. Anyway, I had given up on getting information from Kurt Cobain and Slash fans. But here I was in my early 20s and wondering how do women feel in this world because yeah, I had never really asked myself that before (yes, pot). And I could already perceive that it was probably very different. I wanted to know why. I knew society kind of shapes our behavior too. I wanted to know how.
So there I am, one out of three other dudes, sitting in an overcrowded café in Paris. Women, all ages, all together. Us, deer shutting the fuck up, smiling awkwardly. And communication began. For my nerdy brain, groking all those points of view was enlightening as fuck. Same patterns as for racism, it helps. I guess it’s way harder for you white guys.
Years and years later, I made lifetime feminist friends, I walked the streets with them, I laughed and felt desperate at the state of what humans know and what we do. I had great sex with some feminists too, it’s all good guys. My dick is fine, didn’t get cut off. But you need to listen and stfu though. It’s a nice principle, I like it. Do the work in your head, in private, thanks.
14 years later though, it feels strange. Progress has been so slow, it’s even been reverted: in Spain when I started to dig feminism abortion was more than legal it was almost advertised, an Hispanic feature. Now they’re trying to ban that individual, basic woman right. India’s rape culture, barely imaginable. Chris Brown’s fans, Rihanna’s face. Religion back in full force since 9/11 fucked everything up to be honest. Also weird, the fact that feminism became bankable (hello, pop stars) and made the real arguments, the challenges that we have to take on fall in the background where no one looks at (salaries, anyone?). Meanwhile, dudes and bros don’t even bother evolve, they just ignore everything that says that they need feminism too, they’re too busy fitting in a dumb herd. In the mean time a lot of women took the heat and paid hard for their freedom, pushing a new generation born in this economic clusterfuck to reverse back to the good ol’ times. “Well you go get the money, honey. It’s crazy outside.”
I really don’t think there’s any other way to understand women’s lives thus making society a better place, without digging some feminism and that’s not done with a fight but a conversation where one listens for a very long time. That’s you dude, in case you’re a bit slow.
Change, and re-arrange. The only thing you’re going to lose is the illusion that men run everything. No, we are not. Never been.