In my weekly communication with my parents, last week I wrote back to my mom talking about what’s going on here and I mention Ferguson, obviously and this story because that’s us. No answer. I get my sister by email later on, she’s literally writing “but, that’s racism!” and my mind goes blank because there’s so much to deal with when I read that.
Earlier today, Skype session with pop and mom. No mention, no questions. Nothing. It’s disappointing yet not surprising even here no white people want to engage on anything about race. We can’t solve anything if we never talk to each other but nevermind.
“I’m doing fine, for an immigrant black man” is something that pops up in my mind a tad too often. I have a pretty accurate idea of how built-in segregation is and when I see all those black men and women killed for nothing… I work for TV these days and yesterday I was running full speed out of a store with a phone cable in my hand in a super white neighborhood, what if my life was ended in 30s I thought and it made me run faster and cringe inside, very weird feeling.
When I sense all that my survival guts kick in. I wonder where I’m at the safest and it’s where I come from, statistically speaking. But then I trade a great energy and intoxicating vibe to a grey, fossilized and as-racist world. I did the test so often the past few years.
People love to intellectually jerk off on those wedding pictures but to me they’re drenched in Blues. I’m telling you from actual experience that this is the best part for those kids especially the black one. They’re so proud and happy and know it’s the future for humans. Even if they can sense that what they live is not the norm, they aren’t prepared for the actual world we’re living in. You know, the difference between “really?” and “fffuuu”.
Adopting kids outside your race is such a great idea, but such a heavy burden for us realizing when we’re out of the Perfect Bubble in which everyone is equal and things make perfect sense that it was not really real. And yet it’s the future.
We have pocket computers but this picture is still “amazing”. It’s so fucked up.