The plunder of women’s agency

That’s a Coates-approved title, isn’t it?

Ellen Pao wrote a book about sexism in Silicon Valley that came out last month. There was the crazy R Kelly human trafficking stuff this summer.

There’s the all Weinstein thing exploding in Hollywood, and a few hashtags on Twitter about sexual harassment and discrimination towards women, from #MeToo to #BalanceTonPorc. Almost two decades that I introduced myself to feminism and we’re still unveiling awful shit. I hope this is actual progress that we’re witnessing.

I never know what to say to men besides focusing on how freedom means freedom, which means women are entitled to as much, as absurd, as luscious things as men and that it’s not fucking complicated to understand. When we’re chilling men can’t not agree.

But as soon as we feel threatened, as soon as we need to lash out, we’re back on our bullshit. A lot of us. Too many. And too many who wish they could.

On the other hand the elephant in the room is that abuse is abuse but it still can serve someone’s goals, true. Being abused and personal gain are not mutually exclusive. Women were scared by Mr. Weinstein, got nightmares and PTSD for years but also got promoted, or got that role that allowed them to flourish. For some reason men, who are the ones setting up the rules or working on being the ones making them, are mad that women could use a ladder after being molested and soiled.

We can’t steal women’s agency and then be furious that they find ways to do what they wanted anyway by playing us, that’s stupid. But more importantly we need to stop the stealing, plain and simple.

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