January months are always pretty grim but this one was particularly bad.

Got my dad to spew some ignorant, racially charged shit so I ended the call in his face before it went way wrong. We haven’t spoken since.

An ex-roommate committed suicide. A super great neighbor that I was looking forward to see more often this year, died unexpectedly. My BFF in France is in a psychiatric hospital, recovering from chronic depression.

I won a GDC pass for the second year in a row but I can’t afford to fly and hang out in San Francisco for a week, like not at all.

I know getting a job where I do what I do best, where I get paid what I should get paid, would alleviate a lot of stress and help me out dealing with a lot of shit around.

So I go back to my military schedule. Feeding my brain with books and expulsing anxiety through ball and bass. Asking for help, hoping for help.

One friend asked me: “where do you get your emotional support?” and it got me like this.

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