Conundrum City

A lot happening and not a lot happening amirite.

Sports season is over so no more analysis to get my brain busy on non-consequential shit.

I’m reading a lot about urban design and city plans, how incredibly political and crucial all that stuff is. Architecture analysis. Keeping my brain busy.

Watching E3’s gameplay demos. Analyzing systems, visuals, what’s being hidden and what’s not. Looking at NPCs, analyzing how they move, on which triggers. What sound can bring. Analyzing.

Waiting on job applications with candles, prayers, sacrifices. I have my best men and women on this to help me out and well, half the year has passed already and haven’t heard back from uh, no one. It’s rough. I know it’s not me. I got to keep going. Appetite is infinite. Anger is right there. I go back reading about design stuff.

I have French conversations twice a week with this older white man who’s going on a trip to Normandy later this year. I help those black women with IT stuff. I talk to my young coworker and tell her to keep her head up. Racial tensions are high, they‘re just dormant under the scab. Gentrification is really not welcome nor helping. I think LA gangs might start to think of raising some hell. They’re fed up. All south LA is fed up.

Sometimes I feel like I know too much. You know, the entire map of social relationships. Most people stay in one area and look a little bit over there, but that’s it. I roam all those streets, learn, freak out a bit at what it will take to solve that particular issue. Then I’m tired. Hope for breakfast, anxiety for dinner.

I started handing my memoir to a few selected readers. Curious to see how they will react. Mentioning a little bit my background floors people. Black people even more. They’re like “how the fuck?” and I’m like “I don’t know”. Still going though.

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