On masculinity

Great article at The Atlantic on the subject.

What the longtime sportswriter Robert Lipsyte calls “jock culture” (or what the boys I talked with more often referred to as “bro culture”) is the dark underbelly of male-dominated enclaves, whether or not they formally involve athletics: all-boys’ schools, fraternity houses, Wall Street, Silicon Valley, Hollywood, the military. Even as such groups promote bonding, even as they preach honor, pride, and integrity, they tend to condition young men to treat anyone who is not “on the team” as the enemy

That thing is so universal and it always bothered me because it’s bizarre. Why the animosity? Why groups of dudes always end up hating others so much, on sight? I don’t know but this is why I’ve never been in bigger groups than two or three bros. That’s the limit. Bigger and things become wild and stupid.

I didn’t spend much time in locker rooms when I was younger. A few years while playing basketball and I didn’t like that stuff. I was in and out, bored at the bravado. Walking back home musty, it didn’t matter.

That’s the thing: growing up, it wasn’t much about validation from others. It was more like I do my thing and if you don’t like it, fuck all of y’all. The concept of masculinity was dead. Prince, Michael Jackson and others had destroyed it.

There was no bragging, just doing. I remember casually telling my best friend that I had done it. Then we’d hung out listening to some music while I explained how it had happened and so forth. Just a conversation. Bragging was/is weak. It means you can’t control yourself, from staying humble. Bragging triggers jealousy and a whole lot of bad shit usually spawns from that. Humility is great. One might even say that bitches love humility. I didn’t write that. Back to the article:

Then she took off her pants. “And that,” he said, “was the first time I ever saw a vagina. I did not know what to do with it.”

Eat it, you dumb fuck. Give, stupid. Because if you do and try your best, she’ll do the same with you. You have the internet in your pocket, thousands of pages of women talking about what they want and like with intimacy and you don’t even pay attention. You’re a bum with no curiosity nor focus whatsoever.

I feel like sex needs to happen early, when hormones are starting to make you lose your mind. Nobody’s fast, Nature tells you you want it. Do it —as clean and soft as possible, no alcohol, no pressure— and move on. Then you can focus on what’s next in your life. Sex isn’t about power and tearing her shit up. It’s teamwork and smiles, feeling that skin. Smelling. You shouldn’t think about anything.

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