Category: Me Myself&I

I’m not scared to be judged. At all. I don’t care about that, I care about the outcome of being judged. And that is absolutely connected to race, sorry for bringing that up again people of color. Y’all know.

Try to say to Trayvon and Jordan’s parents that chances are nothing will happen if you simply stand up. I triple dare you. They stood up. They were not doing anything wrong, they were heavily being judged and didn’t care about that. They stood up.

And then they died, murdered. The reminder is with a black president at the White House, mortifying. Humiliating, 12 Years A Slave winning big doesn’t change anything.

I don’t care being judged on my online gaming skills, it’s just that I don’t want to read/hear anything about “dumb ass niggers”. I did, doesn’t taste great, feels gross, let’s move on. In the real world outside work, being judged feels like danger and my survival guts hate that.

The respect earned from you claiming your ground is based on a broken social system full of BS. When you’re black and especially a dude, you sort of have to not do that and please everyone in this white world otherwise you are immediately filtered out as “trouble” in inconsistent and twisted ways. It’s quite universal on this planet. You need to fit more than people respect you because they never will respect you entirely anyway, so used to ethnocentrism. You can also stay in your community forever, warm and miserable because nothing changes this way.

I don’t try to please everyone I try to make things work, everything I can. Let me do my thing. The part where I don’t give a fuck about what others think? Oh, it’s been done and done son.

The problem is not to not please everyone, it’s to not get fucked or worse killed in Florida for being yourself and harmless.

You probably saw that article. Things changed, it’s pretty amazing how.

By being six months in a country and six months in another for five years, I can tell you how local online things have become. People retreat locally, even on the internet. It’s just weird how my sister didn’t even think in .com but .fr for her website when I thought that .fr was so hell no because everyone wants to have a .com right? Right, ten years ago.

The perception was connecting with the world. “the world”. The perception was to connect with the yet unknown, learn new stuff. Today it’s about connecting with your posse and people like you.

First consequence, it is hard to read anything personal, different online these days. Everything comes out of a machine or if not from a machine, intended to be read by Google’s robots. Ranks. Pageview. Ads. Click bait to oblivion.

When I try to decipher AAA game business or why game audio is so weirdly handled, it’s genuine passion, pure love. I want it fixed, upgraded, better. It’s not bitterness or flame war, it’s will. If I don’t speak up, I’m not willing. I feel like it’s the first step.

How we integrated censorship with app stores, I still can’t quite believe it. People don’t even know how their apps get refused or pass certification and aren’t afraid to build a business on top of that. We forgot what’s like not to have freedom of speech at all, which is dangerous. It’s the same slippery slope as the ISP dance with content providers. Next thing you know, everything is locked up and your rights have been downgraded.

We went from a bunch of kids in Sweden writing back to American music majors “fuck you” to ten years later, TPB’s last founder losing its appeal in front of the European Court of Human Rights for not following US laws, in his country, Sweden. See? Rights being downgraded for the sake of a broken copyright system. It means no country, no law, no nothing will protect you if a system thinks you are wrong and should be punished. That’s not really what democracy meant and you shouldn’t be OK with that.

So, ISPs are no longer treating the internet as a commodity (things always start in the US and then all countries copy, Europe is getting there) app stores are censoring, NSA and HR are sniffing your social graph and you become silent and bland, playing mind-crushing games trying to forget and downplay all that.

Damn, that looks bad.

Removing wallpaper: 97%

Removing ceiling tiles: 50%

Cleaning up the attic for insulation: 0%

Making room in the basement: 0%

Color scheme kitchen/living room: done.

Ikea kitchen 3D design: completed.

Too many tracks to finish: in progress.

Applying to jobs: in progress.

Fighting: on.

Eryka Badu comes out of my speakers singing how he’s moving to Hollywood (random playlist).

My computers are on PST, my phone is on GMT and Southern California pictures show up from time to time, all the time.

I feel like it’s late though it’s 9am and I can’t say that it’s jetlag’s fault.

I’m often confused waking up, was it a dream or am I really here or there or am I dreaming now?

Taking the same trains again reminds me of myself in my 20s, full of hope for this country. lol. I did my best.

When it’s sunny my restless legs want to pedal or skateboard because I think of L.A. but then I remember that I’m in Paris and actually, it will only be sunny for 20 minutes before some massive rain so…

Everybody’s late. In LA I show up on time, I’m the last one. In Paris I show up on time, I’m always the first one arrived and wait another hour before we start whatever. It’s always been this way, it just gets more and more annoying.

I can’t stand how people look down constantly, I hate the lack of eye contact. 20,000 people/km² will make you forget to be human. There are the most obnoxious and insufferable motherfuckers I have ever seen in this city, at some point it’s even funny.

My though process is way too global/American now to get a real sense of what’s going on politically or socially. It sounds useless or completely nuts (über and taxi cabs, Europe’s political decisions). It’s the weirdest thing to be a native and *snaps* you’re not. I wasn’t the typical French dude before CA but now I really am not.

I see more than ever how interracial relationships are non-existent in France. In another amazing blog post from Ta-Nehisi he writes:

If you begin from the proposition that African-Americans are fundamentally American, in a way that the Afro-French are not; and that America is, itself, a black country in a way that the other European countries are not, Barack Obama’s election strikes you somewhat differently.

“Afro-French are not French”. He’s right. We’re just around raising babies or helping grandmas, cleaning up streets and metros or selling cannabis but we are not welcome more than that and trust me, born and raised by white people I see all that xenophobia and racism in HDR/X-Ray/WireFrame. I have seen it grow. I have seen it change, become nastier, even more hidden and it’s sad how as an individual I can’t do anything about it. I avoid it like a master ninja, disengaging conversations that could lead to pain or avoiding resentment because if I’m the Angry Black Man then I probably want to Keep It Real and then it Goes Wrong.

The good thing is, it made me prescient and in control.

I was born in Paris and I will not stay.

Hi, my name is Heyrold and today we’ll tear those walls off the sucker. I mean, today and a couple of other days too.

I’m not even going to tell you how my cousin, 45, was like “but have you ever done that before???” or my dad “use a steamer, I have more experience than you”. Whiny ass bitches, please.

First layer comes off with my fingers my Wolverine-like nails.

Second layer, thanks to YouTube comes off with water and still my fingers. I  I have used a scraper like three times. Don’t tell me it’s because my paper is old, I tried other techniques and the paper stays on like a motherfucker until I poke holes in the wall.

The annoying part is moving things around because I’m also composing and applying to jobs and developing and stuff. The good part is that it tests me on patience because the faster you want to go, the more you only get tiny bits at a time. Take your time, do it right and then bam, full sheet off (almost).

The wall you see on the right is what it looks like around now and it’s pretty depressing, it makes me wonder if there are needles and heroin hidden somewhere.

My name is Heyrold and I don’t fucking know where I am right now but it’s moving on.

68. Not that old.

That show started to air in France I think in fall 1991, I was eleven. Needless to say I was instantly hooked. That story sounds like mine, only I have white parents and no brothers and sisters! I’m from the “countryside ghetto”, another weird angle but the show’s “let’s try to make it all together despite our differences”, that I dug hard. Of course, Will’s wit.

Also, the father figure. Uncle Phil was acting and giving Will the same things my dad gave me except for hugs but that’s just how France is. His character in the show is described as “strict, gruff, kind of a miser” pretty much my dad too.

I was wondering if just a change of skin color would make things better. Of course it would have, because it’s not just that. when I saw episodes where dance is involved, I know I would have LOVED to be ridiculous in the front of the couch, shouting “popcorn!” with James Brown and dad. Damn, I dreamed of this and The Fresh Prince of Bel Air was delivering that part to my brain (family reunion episodes would always make me sigh so hard).

But it also made me conscious that you’d rather have a white dad that doesn’t really understand you, that no dad at all like I started. Or being a dad at 15, when episodes were talking about this issue in the black community. All that shit was running in my head while I was listening to harder and harder music (Sepultura 4ever), I guess trying to be as invisible as a black man as I could be in a white world.

So those 30 minutes of blackness everyday for almost a decade were super precious to me. And I knew who Quincy Jones was, that black dude who was making music with Michael Jackson was also producing the show. Nothing in my world was that black and that cool at the same time. And fucking everyone regardless of race loved that show. It made me feel good. It made me have hopes.

And Uncle Phil was awesome. RIP, Mr. Avery. Damn that’s young, pop.

If there’s a paradise, this is probably what James did to Jesus. (Do Not Fuck With Uncle Phil)

Website you ought to check out if you want to know more.

First African-American architect member of the American Institute of Architects in 1923. First certified African-American architect west of the Mississippi.

Orphan at four, he was the only African-American student in his elementary school. That stuff sounds familiar.

Like Chappelle says, “you might not want to be the first nigga to do anything in this world.” Paul did though. Most of his work is things people wanted, not so much what HE wanted. People would fight even with FLW to get what they want so obviously Paul wasn’t going to get lynched for an interior. No black man even today can say “Fuck you, I am the architect” to his clients.

I’m wondering what his output would have been if he had been truly free. I mean he did these:

And a couple other modern stuff. The dude knew his shit. Look at his own house, in Los Angeles:

Far from the classic Spanish or American colonial revival he did so often.

SUPER MASSIVE SIGH OVER RACE AND STUFF.

This is how I feel when I compare 7 and 8. I haven’t even used 8 with touch yet.

Your browser, everything-in-tabs paradigm is terrible in every way. Sometimes it crashes and if you say it’s not much of a problem, you are lying. I have virtually never lost anything using native apps. A browser? Enough to never do that again.

The desktop is terrible. You only use it because like the 20+ tabs BS, it makes you look like “busy”. OMG icons everywhere, menus everywhere, notifications everywhere JUST LOOK AT HOW BUSY AND IMPORTANT I AM PLUS LOOK AT MY COMPLEX SHINY COMPUTER UI I HAVE ARRIVED. I did it too.

The desktop is the symbol of 2000s office procrastination and vegetative evenings browsing Digg. It’s still there, and neat when  going down the memory lane using 35 years of software history without breaking a sweat but experience wise? Fuck that.

Fuck your systray and your start menu. Let’s get real and let’s get shit done, that’s how I see Win8 UI after 12 months of usage.

Full screen by default is great. Yes you can’t fake work now, you can’t do the old window switcheroo but you’re not supposed to anyway. I know, it hurts. I feel like in a game with Win8: getting in/out fun-to-use-and-yet-serious apps like I’m Mario in a warp zone.

If I compare the best apps in both Win8 Metro and Win7 Desktop, Win8 wins by far (simplicity, stability, speed) and looking at how much the entire tech industry is copying MS design since WP7 is out (who would have known in 07 that Apple would copy MS design in 13? Not even me), I’m not the only one convinced that that flat, clear as hell, unobstructed UI is awesome. Fuck your chrome, fuck your ugly ass drop down shadow.

No, Win8 is not perfect because nothing is. Two things that need to change: OEMs and developers.

Dear OEMs, you are so bad! Trying to sell netbook-class, atom powered tablets at $800 is like shitting in my mouth directly. WTF. Those touchscreen laptops? You can tell 5 miles away that it’s going to feel stupid. How the fuck can you not put the goddamn trackpad in the middle of the fucking computer like that brand, is beyond me. Is there a patent you don’t want to pay or you all are morons or what? Fucking embarrassing. Where the fuck is my 20” tablet? Of course you have to have a 24” with 4K display like anyone would give a damn about an extremely expensive device. It’s pathetic.

And you developers, shut the hell up about the store. You can’t jerk off on your Apple sales and condemn MS, that’s being a fucking hypocrite. Plus as a user, app stores are quite awesome (easy to check, easy to uninstall, sync). Stop trying to scam people (and fuck up the market that is, your own ass) with free apps and ads, that’s lame. Make great apps with trial. Yes if your app is not great, trials are not going to help but will demonstrate how unpolished your stuff is. Stop focusing on the business model and make awesome shit, that’s like the #1 rule for any business and it’s like you developers are constantly forgetting that.

You guys want app ideas?

How about the ultimate GIF maker with which you can capture from stills or videos and export perfectly sized GIFs to social networks?

How about a distraction-free blog app that connects to blog services and allows you to drag and drop pictures in your post without the need of using any FTP shit or annoying services?

Foobar8 anyone? Flickr with all the features? Musician uploader, one interface to upload to Soundcloud Bandcamp et all? Get on this!!

The only reason that I’m using the desktop outside gamedev and obscure old software is because you guys have yet to deliver better apps in the store (so many are pathetic). There’s room, I have some bucks, you guys are missing out I’m just saying.

Hey I don’t know, I’m six.

You might be reading Derek’s blog and this sums up my value system, pretty much perfectly:

The samurai adhered to a way of life, ethics, rules, and a code that spread to all branches of society, and even today affects the way Japanese think.

• Buddhism taught them to stay calm and patient.
• Confucianism taught them that relationships between people are the basis of society – to respect our ancestors, relatives, and superiors.
• Loyalty, justice, and honor are central.
• Sincerity, compassion, courtesy, and honesty are important key values.

Though the samurai no longer exist, this way of viewing life is ever-present in society. Students are loyal to their teachers. Workers are loyal to their companies, putting in long overtime hours. Japanese are loyal, honest, sincere, and disciplined at work. They follow rules and try to improve themselves every day, just as the samurai did in their time.

I know it’s dumb, I’m not living in Japan. The Samurai way makes so much sense to me. People don’t understand the importance of relationships, humility and modesty and then wonder why the fuck the richest 85 people hold as much wealth as the 3.2B poorer. It’s because there’s no relationship at all. Like kings in the past having giant structures being built for someone that doesn’t exist while people around are dying by the hundreds. It’s dumb. I’d rather have had less cathedrals and cleaner villages.

The individualistic society is BS, we depend on each other from the maid to the air traffic control tower. Companies forge contracts with the state all the time, everything is subsidized, if a factory burns in China your phone might get delayed etc. I don’t understand why people don’t see this. Meanwhile well, I guess I should get some cornrows and start a “cleaning” business.

Loved that movie, obviously. Am I that dude but with a bass and wifi instead of a sword and pigeons? SHIT.