Category: Me Myself&I

Releasing this, reading that. It stresses me out. We failed at creating a real Europe, we failed at not fucking Africa more and now everyone is paying it. But fuck.

It’s hard to be black. The way Paul says it man, it comes from down there and I feel that shit so hard. So much BS to deal with, so much awkwardness, humor and music to handle all of that. That 8 billionth time an old lady freaks out thinking I’m going to snatch her damn purse because I walk fast, even faster under the rain. That eight billionth time for some reason, it’s more painful.

The hardest part is to stay calm. Stay smart.

I like those chords. Written with that Los Angeles sunset orange and violet light around. I could do a completely different track with them. I wanted to punch away with this one.

I just spent four days outside with simple tools like hammer, saw and my hands.

It feels good to unplug from the digital world, still creating, and solving problems though. Confronting nature, physics’ laws, your body’s abilities. It’s great. Forgetting super high level discussions like game design crisis or what the future holds for Big Data in the world of deodorant, I needed that after weeks and weeks stuck on my machines.

Of course really happy to help my dad who’s trying everything to make it like he doesn’t need me even though he totally needs me: stamina, muscles. Also I have a good “estimation-eye”, give good advices and it’s funny to see him try to brute force shit at the end of the day and I’m rightfully like “you’re doing it wrong, son. We need to reduce the end of that plank”. Ha! But then I can’t stay to have dinner with them, I have to bounce to my world, switch back to English, internet and black music. I need that solitude buffer.

Anyhoo, back to my monitor I had this  “wow, it’s amazing how many things you can do with just ONE tool” moment, using my laptop and then I vegetated before going to sleep, pretty dead.

Forget about the horror of the abduction.

Forget about those sick fucks, make them disappear.

Forget about police not being so smart or this simple black man knowing something was up in this bitch.

I want to know how three young women can’t escape a house located a mile from where they’ve been kidnapped, for ten years when a 7 year old is capable of doing so. In a day.

I think at 14 I’d be ready to lose limbs to break away. I’d have shit to do, a life to live.

What kind of fucking uneducation these women got? I don’t get it. It’s almost like Louis CK’s skit.

“Of course, it’s insanely horrible and it should never happen ever ever ever to anyone….

But maybe, maybe if your survival skills and fighting spirit are that low, maybe you were the perfect candidate for a horrible news story.”

Just by respect for women who died rather than live hell, for those who fought back so hard that they finally escaped, for those going away from their own families raping them -talk about being REALLY hopeless-, for all these women I can’t just give these three all my empathy. Fuck no. I’m sorry.

The only end to nightmares like that is perverts knowing that if they kidnap a woman, they either get killed/their asses kicked or she will break away anyway and put them in jail where their buttholes will suffer. So they don’t even start.

Stopping them before they even try. Women need to be strong and there’s no way around it.

Programming is horrible. Not really because it’s weird and painfully slow but because time evaporates with this shit. I mean, in a way that is so not healthy, physically.

You don’t want to eat, you’re about to solve something. You don’t care about what’s going on around, you’re just getting how this sub-system works. I like to understand things and the “haha!” moment where you finally can do what you wanted is great and oh, so powerful.

But it’s 6 hours later, I’m hungry my body is achy, the day is over and it depresses me. I understand why coders often work at night, it’s calm and less depressing to see the sunrise.

But it doesn’t fit me, I’m a sleeper. I’ve been following everything this article says all my life. I remember my mom telling me about deep sleep and how I didn’t want to miss that stage so I could become a Super Saiyan easily.

We spend one third of our lives sleeping, it’s crucial for muscle recovery, fact retention and preparing the body to operate at full speed the next day, sleep is one of the most important things when it comes to day-to-day happiness.

So when I see every single coder ruining their sleep and diet for decades, I’m pretty sure it ain’t good.

Anyway, it makes me scared of coding it’s like going down the rabbit hole. If I start in the morning and think I’ll be able to make sound or music in the afternoon, it usually doesn’t happen. Nothing happens but lines of language that only machines understand. At least when I create audio it’s for an audience, it’s direct, it’s timeless no one gives a crap about “my code” and how I perfectly formatted it. In two years to do the same I’ll be ticking three dialog boxes.

We really, really, really need better tools to build software.

So I learned about Mandingo parties the other day. There’s an obviously nsfw documentary on Vice. You know, it’s the kind of thing I thought was some suburban legend but hell no, it exists.

Well, the documentary covers a Mandingo business in Florida. Florida, man. Giant snails sinkholes and swingers, Florida isn’t about the average.

But I saw that it was not just there. It’s not that a career as a black escort would interest me -though I’d probably do a great one, let’s be real- it’s the women’s psychology, sexual appetite and social construct that interests me.

How does it feel to grow up scared of black men and 30 years later craving for their cocks? Do you feel liberated, finally, or is that a twisted game of white guilt and fantasy? Also, it is well documented that a lot of women’s highest sexual drive happens in their 40s and beyond, how much does it weigh in? What about all these -white- guys with small penises who don’t want that swinger lifestyle, do they get as many plastic tools as possible? How do they deal with that and their maybe past and glorious careers as powerful men?

Is religion and its terrible view on sexuality responsible for people going nuts over sex after decades of denial in their lives?

There are so many things going on, it’s fascinating.

Small tool to write without distraction. It’s free, you can save in .rtf .odt. It’s the best I found.

I made four themes with wallpapers found on the web a while ago:

Nothing fancy, but I thought I would share. Now write these thoughts!

A lot of creative people see the world this way:

Boxes, nice ones. You go there. You’re part of that. Your role is. There are sound effects, music, sound design. There are music genres.

But I mostly see it this way:

There’s a pool. The audio pool, for instance. In it, there’s everything that triggers sound whatever it is. Then I use this whatever it is for a purpose, to convey something. Distinctions between a bass guitar or a 8bit bleep don’t matter as much as we believe they do.

It’s this philosophy that keeps bringing my ass to Japanese animated movies because this is exactly what they do. They don’t care, they use whatever could work and be original. Soderbergh cries out about how we use music in films today and it’s because of seeing things in perfectly marketed boxes, again. Same with the game industry except that there, boxes are titanium-reinforced stainless steel boxes. Hence stagnation, mutation is not encouraged.

And it’s the same with so many, many things. Where are my games with vintage filters rendering, fucked up 2D perspective, fisheye effect and so forth? Where are my giant trackpads for two players or more where people finally don’t need to try to look through their hands to play a touch game? Why can’t we have a contract for gay people that just gives the exact same rights as for marriage but -wait for it- we don’t call it marriage so that old people STFU? “I got our G-union contract, baby. we’re set!”

Are we humans so dumb that we need to put people and things in virtual, non-existing-outside-our-minds boxes even when we know that it’s fundamentally a broken system? Disappointing. Dumb.

It’s from 2009 and I watched it again because you need to be physically ready for the visual explosion. It’s insane, you can pause every single frame and contemplate so many things. The animation is incredible, it’s crazy, full of expression.

Seven years in production, bam. A review says “you haven’t seen animation until you’ve seen this movie” and I agree.

Get it, watch it.

So in one case we have a 33 year old black man, ex police officer who could be legally fired for filing a false police report even if the report was true. He got fired. This man accused the LAPD of excessive force used, fact denied by the same LAPD who shot 100 bullets in a car by mistake, trying to catch the ex cop. This man sends a message stating the whys and hows of this crazy story, kills 4 people injures 3, hides in the mountains where the cops as the radio communications recorded showed "Burn that fucking house down," "Fucking burn this motherfucker," only wanted to smoke him out. Official death is gunshot wound to head.

Crime: Murder, attempted murder.

In another case we have a 19 year old white dude, a stupid ass little fucker who had nothing to do with his life but follow his dumb radicalized brother. He kills 5 people, injures 299 others, plans to do more random damage. He hides in a boat, exchanges gunfire with police and is captured and treated for severe injuries.

Crime: Using and conspiring to use a weapon of mass destruction resulting in death; malicious destruction of property resulting in death.

…

It’s murder, you malicious sick fucks.

Also, why the FUCK didn’t they burn that boat down? Don’t even try to answer.

On November 20th, 2011 I started a blog post with these words: I feel that a real gender war is going to happen and finishing with All that together, projected in the next few years means more friction. More friction means a higher chance of extremes.

Femen, almost a week ago.

Go women.