Category: Me Myself&I

You have to admit, that’s some neat cosplay shit.

This dude, known as Space Sheriff Gavan but called X-Or in France. No kidding, it’s one of my oldest memory. Sitting in the dark in the afternoon, watching his adventures. I was like four or five years old and it was obviously amazing.

Badass

So yeah, 1982 Space Sheriff totally copied the light saber from 1977 Star Wars  BUT the thing is, the first time I saw a light saber was through this dude half robot half alien and full human cop. And seriously, it was powerful too. Robot eyes lightening on and light saber -sorry, “laser blade”- appearing when the dude is angry? It was a HOLYSHIT moment that I still remember, with my eyes wide open, my little ass deep in the couch and my legs not touching the ground.

But wait, there’s more!

Now that’s a pose. 

The robot alien sheriff had this crazy sidecar that is not a sidecar but whatevs, awesome. He would go super fast and jump out of it to do some Kung-Fu in the face of bad guys. But the thing that was killing me was that:

 
BYE

The hero had a spaceship that would transform into a MOTHERFUCKING MECHA DRAGON. Good god even today I think it’s cool. Imagine: when your first taste of fiction as a kid is that, a dude standing on top of a dragon robot with his red eyes and his light saber, it’s kind of over. Being cooler than that or surprising me with a story would be hard (I guess a large amount of mangas will change my mind later on).

Space sheriff is coming from another planet. He gets some help from sidekicks but he mostly operates alone. Justice, technology, design, funky music -show produced in the 70s- were part of Space Sheriff’s aesthetic and I realized that these themes followed me my entire life. And counting.

And maybe that’s why I hate Daft They Kinda Stole Everything Punk sometimes.

I think it’s the first time in my life that I feel that everything, everyone is in a precarious situation. At every scale, from family and close friends to the price of oil or the state of the game industry.

It seems like everything can happen and quite a lot in a negative way, in a matter of months. I feel that before, I always had an example of someone in control or something stable that I could look up to for a while. Not anymore. Maybe it was an illusion but it was comfy.

Things are chaotic and of course good can happen too from chaos, like Life. But the randomness and the lack of control of what is going on scares me. Because it shows how much we are technically advanced dumb animals and it doesn’t make me want to give a shit and care about people, even if I do. We’re like a disease on this little asteroid with water.

That might be the main problem for atheists, hard to keep smiling about the future and have hope for humans.

And this is where a religious person would add “you know, you should believe in something” making my point that we’re fucked.

Maybe we should unite.

The well known smell of that plane. *boo*

The well known smell of Paris spring going toward summer. *yeah*

The bitter taste of a France being so disappointing. I’m not surprised having to find a third shop finally opened on a Monday or not hearing anything credible at all from our politics. Even my sister is rude, leaving shit stains all over the toilet and a trash can that smelled like a dead cat after using my apartment. France, taking care of business as usual I guess.

A few days ago I was in the desert and it was pretty different. So much shit in my mind. Brutal rollercoaster.

OK. Back to work.

 
Hot mineral water @ Sage Water Spa, I recommend.

I left Paris right when it was getting effing cold. Jumped into the warm L.A. spring and then for a couple of days into summer, in Desert Hot Springs.

Now back to some Los Angeles rain and clouds, it’s totally uncool, man. Winter to end of spring to summer to start of spring. In terms of timeline it’s pretty disturbing, actually.

Still coding, learning through Unity. It’s fascinating, frustrating as hell, it really feels like I can do everything but everything is so tedious. Welcome to coding, I guess. I’ll write about it soon, showing how much game tools are shaped to create universes and worlds, not games. I just can’t give up but holy molly shit, it’s quite hard for a designer.

I’m thankful to be able to follow the sun as I want to.

I finished Ice T’s book (the terrifyingly cold but also warm heart of an orphan, I dig) and attacked Fred Wesley’s biography (this dude wanted to play bebop and all he got was James Brown and inventing Funk). I can’t really create music here but I make sure to stay in it, reading, listening and playing guitar.

Cheers,

“Instagram is a free photo sharing program that allows users to take a photo, apply a digital filter to it, and then share it on a variety of social networking services, including Instagram’s own.”

I never understood the appeal. Never. I mean I use filters and share pictures on the internet too but…

“With Instagram selling for $1bil & Draw Something selling for $200mm, why would any innovator bother trying to solve real world problems.”

@tomkrieglstein

Instagram became successful because they were exclusive. In one week, the Android app and the FB announcement made it everything but exclusive. Exclusivity brings power users, stars, fans and envy from the rest. The problem today is that it’s a little like privacy, exclusivity is dead. If it’s successful it can’t afford to be exclusive. Power users and big fans hate not feeling special.

Instagram grew fast because people somehow constantly want new stuff to make things easier, like an app with built-in filters and social network. Users just don’t care enough about giving their pictures away to a company with no business plan at all.

A billion dollars. Shit.

Back in the 90s, at least in France they were pretty rare. My dad bought a huge one in Canada in ‘91 and I would totally use it a few years later because it’s great when it rains and in Paris, it rains often. I still have this hoodie and still use it to skateboard.

Hoodies are much better than any umbrella, especially on crowded sidewalks. I think a tight hoodie is super sexy on women.

But anyway, I was walking in the suburbs of Paris, in Champs sur marne (East Paris, a bit shady, projects around etc). Winter, rainy, 6 or 6:30pm. Dark. I’m wearing this hoodie and I remember thinking how neat the sound is inside the hood and how when rain is fat like it was, water was going through the hood like it was a piece of paper. I was a little lost and I needed the time.

I approached this woman who is trying to enter her car. Nobody around but me and her. I already feel tension as I’m getting closer. She tries to speed up. I try to get there before she jumps in and can’t hear me. I use my best white voice possible, avoiding the scary “HEY!” and ask her “excuse me madame, what time is it, please?” and she freaks the shit out of her before I end my sentence.

She’s scared, she’s a middle aged white woman who doesn’t know what time it is, she gradually sees a creepy black dude under a hood. She’s not surprised and going on with her life, she’s fucking scared. Frozen until I leave.

That day, I sadly understood that wearing a hoodie and being a black dude was socially incorrect, unstable. Annoying because I loved me some hoodie. Especially with no hair. It feels so good. But as it’s also used by thugs to hide, I’m screwed. Can’t wear them. I realized later that whatever I wear, I’ll be suspicious. A suit will make me suspicious. A hoodie too. But a suit is better.

This year, I bought my first two hoodies ever. Everybody is wearing some so I figured fuck it, I’m doing it too. I’m a musician/developer, not a criminal.

And then Trayvon.

Now I look at them and I kind of want to cry. Anger. Desperation.

The only constant between me scaring this woman with a hoodie 15 years ago and Trayvon Martin is the stigmatized young black man who’s simply wearing something convenient. Yes, at the end appearances are deceptive.

Meanwhile the shooter is free, and defended to death . Oh god, the anger.

“Mr. Sarkozy may think it is smart politics to pander to racism and xenophobia. He has done it before. And, sadly, his harsh new tone has given him a quick boost in the polls.”

The quick boost means that French people agree and are kind of pretty racist in general. That’s much more scarier. Sarkozy knows he can use this angle. Just visit France and listen to discussions outside Paris. It’s pretty clear.

“Times are tough in France, but Mr. Sarkozy could have run a more elevated campaign. He has domestic achievements (pension reform) and international achievements (Libya). His main opponent, Mr. Hollande, has vague ideas and unrealistic economic proposals.”

But French don’t care about achievements. They never really do. It’s like normal, somehow. Sarkozy also knows he can’t really play on that because French culture is not about celebrating victories and the dude is on everybody’s nerves so all he can have is play on xenophobia and racism, knowing that there’s demand for that. Mr Hollande, I don’t even fucking know what he’s doing here. A snail is more fascinating than he is.

Don’t take it too seriously. We’ll go through it.

NYTimes.

It’s terrifying. Race is everywhere. Race is everywhere. It jumps in my face, constantly. Freezes me. I try to punch it in the face, throwing angry bears and frustrated black mambas at it but it doesn’t work. I’m still frozen, and angry.

They talk over and over about same sex marriage? I go crazy and want to talk about weed and the ridiculous amount of black men in prison for this shit since decades. Where are all the white liberals on that? They all smoke weed, eat pot cookies and can’t shut the fuck up about gay marriage. Less than 4% of the US population is gay. 12% is black.

The ESA releases a paper on 2011 US computer game market demographics and guess what, they don’t say anything about race because they know that it’s going to be like 70% white, 10% Asian and all the darker skins in the rest. They always release that kind of information. They are very reluctant to do so for the computer industry. But the worst is Jesse Schell’s quote: “There are games now for pretty much every age, every demographic.” No, Jesse (love him, watch this). And you know exactly why, it’s because there are no freaking diversity whatsoever in the game industry. Seriously, how the fuck can we have games for every demographic when the vast majority of them are made by a single one demographic? It’s the elephant in the room and everybody is ignoring it.

Google “Skyrim black people” and enjoy Humanity with the first four links. Nothing fucking changes.

I’m now pretty convinced that shows like Mad Men, Downton Abbey or the other thing with dragons and raw sex are here to satisfy white people with fantasy worlds without black people, now that black people are everywhere (same goes with sexism, women gaining access to everything and shows broadcasting the idea that women should stay in the kitchen, avoiding trouble).

I’m sometimes pretty convinced that people can’t stop joining new “private clubs” on the internet like Path or more obscure shit just to feel this little edge over others, like all these retarded black people on Twitter. Same cities/suburbs mechanics that we witness in real life.

The Race In Western Societies In The Early Twenty First Century system is a system that I can’t escape. I’m in the non-weeee! category. I’m also part of this demographic called “black dudes”, this demographic that invents the hip and cool since the USA are born. The world copies black men from the West, they can’t stop: music, vocabulary, bad English, pants, groove, bling, style. Everything. Meanwhile black people struggle to integrate a white-dominated world and especially black men are pointed at for doing bad things. Yes Chris Brown is fucking terrible, so are all the non black people beating their girlfriend or wife in silence. Everyone prefers to focus on and on an angry and violent black man rather than on the perverted and abusive white religious uncle.

What really freezes my brain to absolute zero I think, is the fact that all the smart black people I know are making a career or setting a big milestone in their lives around race issues. Would it be through a book, music or a blog or stand-up comedy, smart black people are talking about it. It’s in our faces all the time how could we even not think and build something on it? It’s also cathartic.

Should I too and make a “career” or a name at showing how the game industry is absolutely not diverse and never got diverse in the ten years I have been involved with it? I don’t really want to do that. I’d rather move on.

I need to. I’ll try not to write about race in the next months and will try to solve it through other outputs than text.

Listening, thinking. Riding.

Amazing ride to the Watts towers last weekend, thanks to the no less amazing Will. From Jelly Roll Morton, to the first black person to be honored with the Nobel Peace Prize, to the Black Panther, to Sanford & son to the ‘65 Watts riots to Eula Love (Stop N° 7) to Rodney King twenty years ago already, the history of L.A. is built on race conflict, mostly white and black people.

South L.A. For the first time, I saw black people in Los Angeles. Not just here and there, entire neighborhoods. People nod, smile, wave at us. Everywhere. Some neighborhoods supposedly “bad” aren’t bad at all. They might have been. Segregation is so strong. I felt bad sometimes, like I’m in some sort of safari with 25 white people despite the fact that I wanted to hang out for a while with every black person seen there. Always confronted to the same thing: I’m in the middle, on the edge crushed and quartered by how society works today.

Deep and profound experience. I was more tired from emotions than from riding 50 km.

But it was good.

They’re all so awesome 

Enjoying the sun in L.A. and reading a lot of black stuff, apparently. I could write so much. I’ll need to write a book someday. Or you might just read this blog until I’m 100 year old. I’m trying to do this.