The thing is I’m not searching for racism proof, racism finds me. I’m on a funny Tumblr and there’s this Google search result about Asian people and I feel obligated to try it out too. Then I try with white black Indians… And I kind of freak out:
Let’s see if it’s better in 10 years?
“Why do black people exist”. It’s just weird because it doesn’t really sound offensive yet it’s the most hostile thing from all searches. Suddenly I feel the urge to make this little picture editing to show the world that well, people using computers are mostly white and not that bright if I look at these screenshots.
Later I click on a BBC documentaries link via Twitter. I go through the list, I see Abraham Lincoln: Saint or Sinner? I click on it and read:
150 years after the war his reputation is being re-assessed, as historians begin to uncover the dark side of his life and politics. They have revealed that the president who ended slavery secretly planned to deport the freed black people out of America.
Wikipedia. Google. Lerone Bennett Jr. A book, Forced Into Glory: Abraham Lincoln’s White Dream 20 years of research, 688 pages. Bipolar reviews and comments, people praising the amount of work and that nothing is black or white and people complaining that this book is biased –you mean like mainstream “common” History?- and so on. It reminds me of stuff, like the Good Hair documentary I saw a few months ago:
The main focus in the film is the extreme lengths that black women are willing to go through in order to look a certain way. A common ideology in the African American culture is that the straighter the hair, the prettier the woman. On the contrary, a woman wearing her hair naturally (with no chemical processing) is viewed as unkempt or unprofessional. Black women are willing to spend thousands of dollars on their hair, even if they cannot afford to do so.
I think about Bill Russell, a basketball player –one of the best ever- I discovered through Flea’s Twitter account, who lived crazy times and hard segregation. I think about this documentary I haven’t seen yet because the start hurts so bad, Crips and Bloods: Made in America, something I wanted to see because it’s about L.A. (and directed by a famous skateboarder). It starts by explaining how black people were not allowed to be in the Boy Scouts so that they started their own clubs, who would have to deal with police all the time. Gang’s hood culture was born.
I think about Katrina and the second part of Spike Lee’s documentary is probably one of the most painful thing I have ever watched.
And everything makes sense. This crazy feeling of insecurity or that I have to prove something all the goddamn time. Why despite virtually being free, I feel something heavier and heavier that is making me think more than twice, too much. Damn if even I feel it, with my sweet 200% white back-story and family I can’t imagine what’s like for other black people and black men I see around. Unconsciously I make music because also, it’s where it’s fine to be a black dude in this society. Constantly asking myself “can I? May I? Should I?” because I know what people see, I know stereotypes are also true and that I try not to be that and yet I am sometimes. It makes sense. It comes from a long way. Social inertia is ridiculous.
The older I get, the more I understand why smart black people who seem to be loved by any race end up building a bubble, living inside: Meshell, Dave Chappelle, Chris Tucker, Dieudonné, Prince whatever. It’s way too fucked up to be in the middle analyzing that shit, man.
Obama will always represent that first. Holy shit it felt good even if it sounds stupid.
Anyway, peace. And fuck carrots.