I’m obsessed with fixing things.
It’s a curse, it feels like a craving, an emergency. Because being adopted is being broken from the start somehow or let’s say that it makes you feel like stuff needs to be fixed because apparently the system (family system) doesn’t work!
Both of my dads were/are skilled and repair, fix things every time they can. I’m obsessed, twice as much. So I try to understand. I never missed TV because I spend my nights in my little worlds trying to understand the in/out of systems and how to fix them. Yesterday was some passive house stuff again, and how depressed it makes me to read that the DEA is ruining opportunities to make a better world with a simple plant. Anyway.
Even my game prototype started from a problem-to-solve approach, not from my ego wanting something super cool with lots of particles on screen.
I get so much satisfaction from fixing things and make people happy. It’s also because the first problem I got, the family problem, can’t be solved. You can’t fix humans. We’re too complex and we don’t have a reset button. We auto-generate our solutions but we can’t say we can start from scratch and do it over.
So I guess feeling that I can fix or help fixing people’s environment excites me a lot because I’m like “I can nail that shit down, it’s doable to its full extent and it’s going to change things for good now, and for the future.”