Mutation

I made that creature at Indiecade. It’s already the end of the month. Things move fast when you bust your ass.

Basically, for the first time of my life I work with black folks. Bruh. It’s fucking weird how it doesn’t change anything and yet does change everything. I don’t make much but that “perk” is like some chill water on a hot day. Damn it feels good.

I keep thinking about a friend in France who was telling a story about how on his trip to India at some point, he was the only white dude around for like, 2 hours and how he felt stressed out.

Of course I giggled in front of him and of course I didn’t have to explain nothing. All my white friends around knew what I meant and giggled too. It reminded me that if I felt stressed out too sometimes being in an overwhelmingly different environment, it was OK. And also, I was pretty good at it.

I never feel the pressure while doing it, I never stress out about being the black dude in the house I embrace the challenge. It’s always an after thought when I review my performance and then I’m like “shit, that explains part of why I was tense as hell!”. Because there are so many ways to be judged and not get a second chance. Black folks rarely, very rarely get a second chance. So I try to get things right  immediately which tends to make me try too hard too. Balance, why are you so hard?