Author: harold

BROUILLY 1998

Why yes, I have a picture. Goddamn. It was so exquisite. My only regret was that I only had a glass which is a lot for a bottle shared for lunch but it was so good, I was ready to fight family members to satisfy the thirst. I’d wait for them to go grab something in the kitchen and I’d swallow a big sip off of their glass. You snooze you loose. Winner takes all. That kind of fairness.

ST JOSEPH 2002

Absolutely disgustingly good. That’s my mom’s favorite I believe. Amazing year for that wine. Again used for lunch, which means an explosion of flavor with the food. Every time you get a sip it’s just pure, earthy happiness that you can’t comprehend otherwise. Palate’s petite mort. Just close your eyes. Tears are allowed.

VOUVRAY 1978

I don’t have a picture for this one, but it was in a bottle with a poorly handwritten label. White wine. We had it on NYE 2011-2012 at a friend’s place in France. Her dad had kept that bottle for her birthday. We opened it for her, her boyfriend, my friend and I. My friend was already wasted (breaking up with his girl) so I had more. Bruh. Bruh. Bruh.

To this day I think about this bottle. Nectar of the Gods. Sound would shut off when my lips would be about to caress the rim. I wanted to have this wine with me forever. Just un-believable. I remember doing nothing but being like “Imma wait a couple more minutes before my tongue tastes this cosmic beverage AGAIN” while vaguely listening to conversations that would always end up with “this wine is so good by the way”.

Man. I want it now.

Me, my whole life, witnessing men in general:

Last year someone asked me why I don’t hang out with dudes much. And my answer was something like “because we’re stupid, men are too often lame, I don’t need that energy”.

Now look at that man Toobin. Or Cube and 50. Or all the men agreeing with them. The NFL. It’s a LOT of exhaustion and embarrassment right there and I’m not interested in that. ANGTFTS. Period.

The only groups of dudes I grew up with: basketball locker room. Could be fun for a second, was more likely stupid. I’m out. Nerds? I never had the passive-aggressiveness they have toward women because I was doing well with ladies, you know, listening and doing magical negro stuff. Skateboarders? Pretty chill overall but I was starting to argue that women should definitely be able to skate without being interrupted about if she sucks it, you know? Online? It’s just cult/guru type of stuff. I’m out.

The best way to deal with men for me is one by one or in very small groups, with a task at hand. That’s when we’re alright. Boasting is tucked in. Mutual respect is out. We’re doing some work, I’m learning from that dude, he’s learning from me, we’re fixing a server issue or cruising the streets, whatever. It works.

As soon as this shit is done, I’m out. I have yet to find a group of dudes that doesn’t go patriarch af at some point. I’ve always questioned everything and patriarchy was in my crosshair rather quickly. I won’t hype you on that, never really did. It’s putrid to me.

I understand what Jemele Hill means with her tweet. Dismantling patriarchy is a daunting task, it’s easier to side with it. Brothers are understandably exhausted, so they side with something that still stands.

But also dismantling patriarchy is not even really a goal by itself.

The goal is to get a better functioning society and that old system is in the way. That’s it! Uninstalling patriarchy is nothing personal against men or women profiting from it, it’s just that it doesn’t work in the world we’ve been in for decades now. It constantly shows these days. We all work, we all are (more) free, we all need the same things but half of us make 30% less and get killed by their “loved” ones at high rates. That’s so disturbing, I don’t understand how we can be ok about this. You can’t even talk about something like this with a group of men chilling at a restaurant, you know it’s going to go south at some point with a joke or a “joke”.

You can only convince men one by one. Only then we face accountability. Responsibility. Emotions.

As soon as there’s a crowd it’s bravado bullshit, top 5 of all time and inane thoughts. I’m out.

Last week my mom casually dropped that she went to a restaurant with other people and was scared.

She should be okay, as it’s been over ten days now. I guess? I don’t know. I’m not certain about it.

What I do know is that if you know my mom, you know how she is NOT about that YOLO life, at all. Never was, never has been.

The fact that she’s willing to take the risk of dying for a goddamn lunch doesn’t sit well with me.

It’s challenging to understand how things work this year.

Rendering paragraphs of text in Google Chrome and Microsoft Edge can give different results.

Text.

Two giant companies who’ve been making web browsers for a combined 2.6 million years.

They both use the same freaking rendering engine.

Text, in 2020.

HOW THE FFFF

I will never get over the fact that money is created out of thin air for corporations, but we have to fight each other to get said money.

Yes, the feds create bonds for banks who exchange them to companies for dollars. Yes, it’s supposed to be paid back with interests by 2089 or some stupid date like this. They make us believe that this holds up.

If as an individual I was going to the bank, ask for $1M and let them know that please, I will pay it back within the next 60 years, they’d call the police. They’d understand that I’m robbing them.

This is what corporations do legally all the time.

They got trillions this year. Trillions are not even a range that our brains can parse. We can’t even process a billion.

It blows my mind how this system still hasn’t exploded. Yet.

My friend: “Come with me on the road, we’ll be two brothers making that documentary!”

Me: “I’m with it but you know, ‘rona and what about the South in this social climate? You see us rolling through small towns and not being bothered?”

My friend, dissociating: “I mean I can pass for a tanned white man, so”

Me:

“Focussing mainly on medieval Europe, he was one of the first academics to quantify how populations beset by social change and economic inequality are uniquely susceptible to end-of-times conspiracy theories. Powerlessness begets rage; rage seeks a scapegoat; and, when facts prove too inconvenient or the situation too complicated to parse, fantasy bridges the gap between what is real and what is imaginary.”

New Yorker

We. Are. So. Right. Here. It’s just worldwide and intense now.

Good morning,

It’s the 1st of October before 8am and I’m stretching and applying lotion to my body except for that part in the picture. It will be 40°C/104°F today and it will be an OK day. The car will act up a bit, but it will be alright.

The pandemic will still be going. Time will not exist, as usual. The emotional rollercoaster will rival the hardest SixFlags rides, which is expected. It will be a lot of prolonged nose breathing, absolutely essential.

The grind is here. It’s on. Don’t forget to be kind to yourself.