Author: harold

I attended the first day of this brand new festival in town. It was fantastically organized.

Scheduling an appointment was a breeze, just an online form to fill out. 5 minutes. Text message the day before as a reminder.

I was in line for about an hour. I got my drive through shot 30mn after my appointment. Impeccable.

SHOUT OUT TO THE SISTERS AT THE FORUM WHO WORKED THE VACCINATION SITE YALL ARE THE SHIT AND I HOPE YOU GET PAID WELL FOR YOUR OUTSTANDING SERVICE.

(it’s hard to realize when you haven’t lived in multiple countries but America, when it’s time to get shit done at massive scale—vaccination or taking over a country—, is rather good at it; my parents in France are trying to get an appointment and it’s phone-only and they still haven’t been able to get someone on the line lmao)

That’s five year old me on a wall in France. This portrait is still there.

*lands next to 5 year old me, like a super saiyan*

5 year old me: *screams in high pitch, scared as hell*

me: it’s me, you. Just coming from the future. Listen,

*grabs 5 year old me for a hug and puts him back down*

me: It’s going to be okay. You will be fine, smart, in shape etc. It’s going to be super weird around you though. Like, you’ll be at that place in California eating a burger for the equivalent of 100 French francs, a big three-course meal back in the days. Everyone, even homeless folks will have computers in their hands, only they will be more like super-dedicated TV channels than computers as you will learn them. People will have extremely accurate devices talking to them to tell them where to turn right or left on the road and yet, people will drive in the most random ways you can possibly imagine. You will be skilled and fearless about any task to do to make a living or not. You will suck at selling yourself because you’ll spend most of your time trying to get better at everything. Nonetheless, you will be appreciated, liked, loved even. You’ll be loyal and that will make you suffer. But you’ll know that trust is the most beautiful, precious thing between people.

In 2020 though..

5 year old me: *speechless* *blinks*

me: So uh, where to start. I mean you’ll see that movie Akira in a few years. 2020 will be the same as in the animated masterpiece: religions will still be strong, corruption will be rampant and some weird techno-order will reign while people will be sedated with entertainment and mind-altering substances like alcohol. Meanwhile a pandemic will happen and decimate millions worldwide, it’s still happening. Life will make you go through a lot that year. You will do the work and show up for people and people will show up for you. At least one person will and you’ll be forever thankful for her.

In 2021 though..

5 year old me: *about to say something*

me: Sike! It will be the same mess, with some vaccines around.

5 year old me: *frowns*

me: It’ll be alright but you have to know that bad things will happen to people looking like you. Murders, executions. More often than not, by the very people supposed to protect us. It will be “televised”, on camera for everyone to see. No one will really care. It will impact you and the people around you as well as generations to come. This will be very hard to deal with.

*holds 5 year old me for a long hug*

me: But you’ll be resilient and the people around you too. You’ll enjoy your life even though working on good project in a good environment with a good team will be a hard thing to reach. The rat race will be supercharged and most things will be uncertain, despite the fact that we will be so much wealthier then. I know it’s impossible to parse, but three people will “own” more than half the planet, about 4 billion people. Three dudes.

5 year old me: *stares into the void*

me: Stay good, young man. You’ll get where you want to be. You have plenty to offer. Be patient and agile. I love you. In a way you only got you. I got you. Peace!

*puts 2 fingers on forehead, disappears with a swift sound effect*

It’s a lot of pain. It’s just a lot of it.

This masquerade of accountability. Those public performances. I’m so sorry Ma’Khia Bryant.

There are so many layers and interpolations between the news and my intersectionality right now. Being hit by trucks of emotions left, right front and center. I barely flinch. I keep working. Holding my sides when needed.

I’m writing this to remember, when I’ll randomly visit my archives in five years or twenty. Because we will forget all about that 4/20/2021 by the end of the week.

To past-me well, you wouldn’t—I guess I’ll make another post.

I’ve never used you, but I saw you make a lot of black families happy. $10 summer passes. You looked so good in the sun, with your unique shape. I just found out how magnificent you looked from inside:

I know, it’s a building that didn’t get any attention for decades so it was easier to destroy it than to fix it. As usual.

It’s a detail, but the further right windows slide to the left to open up the swimming pool to the air. That 1960s modern slick shit that makes me smile.

You are now gone. Only vibes, indeed. They don’t plan on building a new indoor pool.

I hate gentrification so much.

Saw that on the Digital Cigarette called Twitter:

Right? But I’d go further actually. The common measure of success is basically, in a chart, this:

You make more money and the more you make, the more “successful” you are. Even though we have countless situations reminding us that while money is important, being successful is something else. The fallacy is that at some point the more money you make, the less you live. The other fallacy is to think that large amounts of money will completely change your life. Beloved, millionaires are like you on a Sunday afternoon: in the kitchen, talking shit, bored and scrolling their phones. Also does anyone REALLY care about their job title like that?

This is roughly how I see it. You want to stay as close as possible to the top of those five corners. Either by pushing (getting more skills/money) or pulling (keeping your health and good habits together). I think they’re all fundamental to a good life. Which I believe is to be successful, whatever scale you’re using.

(yes, the New shit to Learn decreases and then comes back up because there’s always something new to learn in life, always)

For instance having all the money and no skills will make you depressed and vile. Having zero money and all the good habits will not make you feel good. Having nothing to learn while having all the skills? Depressed. Obviously, having everything but good health will not make you happy either.

Success in life is a pie chart or a spider chart, it’s multi-dimensional and that’s not a way of seeing it, it’s the reality. Reducing it to a line chart and a one-dimensional perspective (MONNY) is a big mistake.

Don’t do it.

My friend H kept telling me that as a production assistant in TV in the late 90s, you could make a living in LA. You would be with the crews for weeks, traveling and so forth (traveling is super important because the rate goes up, there’s per diem, juicy OT etc).

Arlan Hamilton says in her book that in 2010 when she started a production assistant gig, she was paid $150 per day. She was travelling.

When I started in 2014, the rate was $125 per day. No travelling. Why? Because production hires inexpensive (but also not as good) local assistants.

So, we go from being able to live by yourself in the late 90s to needing roommates for Arlan in 2010 to needing roommates and two or three jobs for me in 2014. Note the acceleration.

Today? I guess production assistants are paid with gift cards every two weeks while they live with their parents or in a tent on Sunset and Vine.

U.S. rent has increased 175% faster than household income over past 20 years. Yikes.

It’s all wrong and it doesn’t have to be this way.

I don’t think I would still be on social media without black folks lmao

After three months, I have hugged my first human being this morning for a hot two seconds. Still wearing masks, of course.

I’m about to have dinner and I feel so messed up right now.