Category: Me Myself&I

People the age of Bernie voted against him, en masse.

That’s what really gets me.

People who mostly have had a good –or simpler time on earth, are hoarding the shit out of resources, power, wealth, even though they know how much we’re dealing with. Despite knowing how much it destroys our agency. It’s really sad.

They do not give a fuck. If they did, Bernie’s policies would have been integrated into the DNC’s plan a while ago.

That’s a huge flaw in our hope for a better world because those older people are going to live for a long time. I did the math once, that’s the next eleven presidential elections where boomers will vote AND out-vote everyone. The next forty years or so. Yeah. Because those old people will become more soulless with time (Palpatine Syndrom), we’re not in the best position to change things through politics.

We’ll have to do better. Keep talking to those local, older people. The ones we know. The ones we can convince if we try a bit more. We need them to change, for them to change their peers and on. It’s not too late, I believe.

The entire world can switch in a few weeks. We know that now, don’t we.

Keep the fire.

Inglewood, March 2020. I keep playing. If everything goes right, and it will, new album in 2021.

Yes, I see it all. French doctors. Africa. French Africa. Black diaspora. The French government spokeswoman. Black America. The not-so-inclusive tech world. Black American culture being so pervasive. Alternative black milky way. My ultra white French family who doesn’t ask anything but really wants to.

I am in the middle of the intersection, trust me.

Citizenship becomes such a weird concept once you lived on different continents, through different cultures. All I know and keep witnessing is that y’all think you are “more right” than the others, which bores me to oblivion. It’s the French friend on FB telling me how Americans are selfish while I read about the most selfish shit I’ve ever read about how people behave in the country I was born in. Smart and stupid are everywhere but you have to live an international life for a little bit to understand how true that is. Meanwhile, nationals and locals think they’re “normal”. It’s interesting.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt quite right in France. Starting with my first name. English name, abandoned at birth. That allowed me to see myself anywhere I wanted, mostly where my name, my skills and my skin made sense. The draw to go see something else was always in me. Even though New is Scary and Scary is annoying.

All I feel about France is being profoundly grateful I grew up there in the ways it happened. I didn’t really get love, but I received care. I knew that was something precious. I longed for more, for what my white friends were getting. A sense of belonging so deep that you never venture into hyper vigilance like I continuously did and keep doing. But I was ok with learning and learning. Doing better. Not giving a fuck about what people did if it didn’t make sense to me. I had access to an infinite, unrestricted source of knowledge (plush home libraries, computers and internet) that helped me define the world as I see it. I valued that and was thankful for it.

I haven’t been back in six years. It’s post-terrorism, middle-of-coronavirus pandemic France. It’s translate-American-jokes-on-Facebook, Starbucks and Postmates-having, global France. It’s different. It’s going to be wild when I cross my parents’ house gate. The country changed and I did too.

I know I wouldn’t have been happy staying in my apartment in Vincennes. I’d have become an alcoholic very quickly, comfortably talking shit and destroying mofos in arguments at the apéro or online. Obnoxious and intelligent, a sizzling combo. I’d probably have had a giant fight with my family, throwing at them all kinds of relationship-ending verbal daggers. Or maybe I would have had taken over my dad’s business, have a wife and kids and right now, I would be like “nah mane” and would sabotage everything, move out of France or not and hurt many, many people. Including myself.

I’m feeling good on my current path, building. I could say that I was French once. And then I can tell a whole bunch of stories while cooking French food. That, probably will never leave me.

I’m in love with those, man.

There’s just a quality to them that I don’t feel with other architecture. They make me want to do better, I don’t know.

Those buildings –and that era– were focused on giving people a nice environment. There is some ornament but it’s usually built-in and kind of hiding. You need to use the building for a little bit to notice a few things here and there that are here to embellish the space.

Forms are usually simple, as the result of cost calculations and minimal aesthetic. Plant some trees and nice bushes around and those buildings and apartment buildings look vibrant and classy.

Let’s just say that I visited and stayed at quite a few of them in the past years and I usually love the layouts. Yes, those are usually small and you wonder how people were supposed to raise a family of four in a small 2 bedroom apartment. But I keep thinking that for the lifestyles we have today in 2020, those volumes are perfect for couples or singles. Like, super awesomely perfect. Small-ish is just fine, the future isn’t about giant rooms nor giant complexes with 100+ apartments with people who don’t even look at each others.

Sometimes those buildings need renovation and improvements on the insulation side. Other than that, they’re fine like the air quality right now.

It’s started. Omg

I go up and down Crenshaw all the time these days. When I look at the church before Jefferson, I think about Ta-Nehisi Coates and how he was telling all of us in there, just a few months ago, how black people long for the stratosphere but how the muck is truly where it’s at.

Bro, where are you right now? *sips loudly on homemade coffee*

We passed 10K+ deaths in Italy and 3K+ in France. 500 died in one day in France yesterday. That’s not the peak yet.

As I say to people around me, we’re talking about countries with good and free (by American standards) healthcare. And they are struggling like crazy.

It’s going to be an absolute nightmare here. Hospital shootings are going to become a thing and I really hope I’m wrong.

I have people around me dismissing the virus. People making plans for this summer. Florida being Florida and #45 being a pile of shit, as usual (I kind of believe that it’s a calculated risk for him; most people who are going to die wouldn’t vote for his ass, shit is that grim). My parents are truly scared now and my 94 grandma is mad that my parents didn’t show up to see her for the past weeks. She probably didn’t really get how bad things are on the phone.

It is incomprehensible to understand how in such a connected world, no one really gives a shit. Starting with ultra rich people who got there thanks to us and tax breaks. Are they pulling up? Rihanna is and girl we should date, I’m down with the work you’re doing and we would make great music together.

But seriously. What’s the fucking point to be connected, seeing in REAL MUHFUCKING TIME what’s going on worldwide, and not act on something that immense, accordingly? Why can we spawn $2T just like that? Do you even understand how insane that amount is? A million million? Two of those? Jesus. It’s unfathomable. Meanwhile people stunt with “I’ll pay your rent” on Twitter but that doesn’t change the systemic madness. Others demand $15/hr when it’s totally not enough to live with in the first place in 2020 in most states in America. Everyone is jumping on using apps (Zoom, TikTok) that are leaking and profiting from all your info. Some ultra rich folks are making money while sipping champagne in one of their luxury homes, amused, while you’re working your ass off for the next challenge or next live whatever.

It’s hard to witness.

This was the last picture I took this year before everything turned to a complete shit storm. It was a great day and 2020 looked like this could be it. A step up. New decade, who this etc.

So if it’s karma, I’m sorry y’all. Maybe not long after this picture was taken I was going a bit fast, window open, feelin it. But not faster than everyone else. Plus, I need to clean that engine from time to time, passing a smog test is a must.

Anyway. Classic visual at sunset where it looks like it’s burning down there. It is now burning everywhere. Be safe, stay positive, create.

I really want to hold in my arms and kiss specific people right now.

There’s this idea that I see all the time: if I could not work, I wouldn’t.

No you would. You would work. You would do something. Imagine the situation.

You are home, you have family and friends around. No bills, no rent, no job. Everything is fine. Imagine that it’s possible, don’t care about the details. So, you’re enjoying life doing whatever you want, right?

Week 1: fantastic, you don’t even know how to act. Parties, entertainment binges, you name it.

Week 6: you’re doing less of those “happy” things and start realizing that overall life is pretty damn slow when you don’t have to do *anything*.

Month 7: you are bored to death. It’s always the same. And there are a lot of decades to come. You’re over this situation in less than a year.

Purpose. We all need purpose. We all derive pleasure from helping, building, doing something meaningful. You can’t not do anything. If you do in a society, you will find yourself at the edge and pushed out. No social groups like freeloaders. Not in the animal world, even less in the human world. You will have to do something in order to accept yourself and be accepted by others.

That is what is called work. It’s awesome and necessary.

I can see myself waking up early to go do some paint job for an older couple a few blocks away. I can see myself caring about them and doing an excellent job. I can see myself going back home to cook, take a lil nap or a long one if she’s with it. I can see myself go back to the couple’s house and finish it up in a few days. I can see myself smiling at them being excited to have a new, good for another decade, turquoise porch. I can see them “paying” me with food, some structural engineering lessons because he used to do that in the past or a rare funk LP from the 1980s that I would put on when I go back home to have a smoke during sunset, busting moves in my living room.

We are meant to do things. To share, to work. That will never go away. Rent, bills and stocks can go though.

My housemate’s friend’s grandma passed away from the virus.

Yesterday while I was shooting free throws, homeless folks jumped another one. A Mexican mom and her two sons were running basketball drills. A brother was calmly swinging his golf club on the baseball field. Everything was so quiet. Quiet before things start getting really crazy.

A lot of black people are going to die in this country in the next months. A lot of people are going to get shot over rent and bills.

I just learned that the great Manu Dibango died from the virus. My grandmother who used to have a music store in Paris was telling me how he would hang around in the 70s. His song Soul Makossa influenced a bunch of people.

Stay safe.