Category: Me Myself&I

I had forgotten about Paris summer smell. Heavy weather, warm metro hallways, pungent pee, pungent sweat or pungent perfume, the smell of a storm coming. So many triggers. I’m always amazed at a perfume power. This one reminds me of this friend in high school and also of her place, this one immediately places me in this office with these people, this one is this blonde skateboarder from ten years ago… The smell of plants, so different from L.A. There’s nothing frying around. Riding my bike along the river, this almost non-existent breeze…

Of course it hurts too. These summers spent thinking “France is awesome!” only to realize year after year that it might not be the case, at least for me. It’s hard to divorce.

 
First one!

My first commit on my game, I guess things are becoming a bit more official when stuff is git’d. Michel coded and showed me -again- how disgustingly weird and unintuitive programming is. Even with tools like Unity we’re still SO into the ice age of coding, you don’t even know. Fuck.

I might have playable mechanics and a really basic version of my game soon. Exciting. Also, still doodling about the name even though I have an idea.

You wouldn’t believe how much I was into space when I was a kid. Completely nuts about it. Ariane 4, the future Ariane 5, the future shuttle everything was ready in the 80s to dream about that. If I had had the internet I would have tried to make something in this area. What not to love about space, especially for me.

Not the first black man to doodle about that, apparently.

I had learned how rockets are powered (liquid this, liquid that mix and BOOM) and Jean-Loup Chrétien was so inspiring. Oh, before driving rockets you need to fly fighter aircrafts? AWESOME.

That was when I was a kid and had a blank canvas in my mind and the feeling that the entire world is aiming for up there, right? RIGHT?

Today I don’t give a fuck about space. Fuck space.

Of course we can do amazing thing like sending a robot on wheels with a ZERO error margin far from Earth I know we can. I know we can master perfection despite all the philosophy BS. But it’s not beautiful when we are incapable of doing things this way here, when it’s about us because of the incredible, embarrassingly huge amount of waste of money and resource every fucking day. When we try to solve our humanity problems, we suck. That ruins everything for me. It’s all bitter in my mouth.

Imagine if this human power, this focus and dedication, this money were used to fix shit on earth: everything that goes wrong down here would be resolved in a year. Maybe less. That’s what makes me feel like “fuck your red rocks” because during that time a white dude shot Sikh people dead because of how they look, people argue over chicken and gay rights and a young 21 year old black man got shot in the head in the back of a police car. And so on. It’s 2012 and only white people dream about space, go on the Twitter and watch. A large majority doesn’t give a fuck about that stuff because we have to deal with stupid shit that shouldn’t exist anymore. I mean, we’re sending robots 60 million kilometers away at the same time. It hurts.

Science, NASA and professors, give me affordable highly efficient solar panel, give me affordable highly efficient fuel cells give me affordable highly efficient water filtering systems give me things that we all over the world would use. But you can’t. The US will not pay for things making the world a better place for no profit, the US are barely willing to make you all dream with a little car on a red planet. I’m sure Lonnie G Johnson’s JTEC engine is getting shut down by every possible entity. Profit.

It’s exhausting. The waste, Jesus. The waste.

Beyond that, it’s like the Olympics. So much bullshit about how “we’re all together, to infinity and beyond”. Solve 40 year old social issues for real before bragging that shit in my face every 4 years.

Credit photo: Sean Bonner.

L.A. April 2012. Atwater Village, coffee, friend, talking. Click.

Another truth imho is that we all watch too much TV, and that’s what really makes us crazy.

I feel it. I’m completely Breaking Bad’s bitch, jumping and cringing in front of my monitor once a week. I started  the show over just by watching the pilot again.

And it’s violent, I had forgotten about it because I’m sedated like most of you guys. It’s violently “real”, there’s something terrible about the fact that if drugs were legal, there would be no critically acclaimed show (same with Weeds). There would be probably much less violence in Mexico too. I’d be good with that.

Our global society  is not handling well endemic problems (unemployment) and people’s solutions (I’ve been told that dealing drugs is very lucrative). Meanwhile, a TV drama shows us exactly how we can justify death to provide for our families and my family deserves more than yours. It feels plain wrong. Back to Scarface. At the same time we try to be more humans and caring (gay marriage and goose loving and whatnot) but it’s totally against what we value out there with our minds and our pockets: violence, aggressiveness. Dexter, Call of Duty, Steve Jobs, Skrillex. Mad Men is like a new genre I call “Quiet 60s Conservatism Aggression”.

We’re angry too. I understand “getting it out” through violence: sports, playing punk rock or slapping the bass are great activities for that. But this aggression towards others, everyone, wholly and fully against anything for your little clan is a little too primal.

Simply put, we ain’t no fucking wolves no more.

-Courage +Wolf

It’s always good to think about something and see articles echoing my thoughts.

The dangerous gap between those who make software, and those who use it.

I’m a high end user comfortable with anything on a computer, knowing how things work to a ridiculous level. I’m not saying that to brag, I’m saying it by helping my mom on Office 2010 or reading this article above or how some people really still love a decade old XP’s interface and violently express it on the Windows 8 blog.

The truth is we, high end users developers and designers are fighting over stupid shit that 99% of people don’t care about and we live in a masturbatory bubble.

This is what I said about game programmers not listening to what’s going on outside that bubble, what players, users clients whatever you call them, really want. You guys should not just be listening to the hype or what would make your app, service and yourself cool but you should listen to people who are actively expressing some needs even if they seem to suck. Because these people have a problem that you can fix, and might even charge for. You make him happy, you earn some income.

Other echo on my reflections about race, black people and computer games.

We’re not saying that this stuff exists because of some hidden malice or secret industry-wide conspiracy to keep minorities in America down. The much sadder truth is that all this bullshit comes from simple, old-fashioned laziness. There’s no good reason video games can’t be infinitely smarter, more responsible and better than this — it’s just going to take time, thought, hard work and a bit of empathy.

And shit, who has time for that? Game developers have got to get another Callfield: Dutybattle out the door by Q3 or the EA monster will devour their children.

See the pattern? People so into their own power of creating apps and games that they don’t care or respect people at the other end. Seriously, stop this shit and please reconsider your position on this.

Oh you have to watch this 8 minutes Call of Juarez video it’s just… How the hell can they get away with this.

2012, we live in a world where it’s forbidden to post a nude picture on pretty much any social media service but where you can buy assault riffles easily.

I know it will probably not change in my lifetime but you people spawning kids jesus fuck you’d better invert the trend because maybe that’s just me but I’d rather have a 16 year old daughter taking pictures of her body than dead (yeah it’s a stretch to see it this way but that’s nothing compared to more-gun-control-is-reducing-my-freedom people’s insane arguments, nothing).

Screw you, I love my Prius.

My dad has one. He never gave a shit about cars (you wouldn’t believe at how he throws his rusted tools or kick some stuff in the trunk of a brand new car) but after using French cars -yes, PSA- for decades and having problems with them, he thought he would try this new thing and save the world blabla.

He just gave his old Prius to his brother and got a new one. He drives a lot, never had a single problem. Not once.

I’ve been pretty amazed at the design of this car. It’s more than well thought. Every single detail. It doesn’t look that good from the outside but the inside man. Absolutely nothing is left behind, everything has a purpose. That’s beautiful design. The absolute elegance of gliding on electric power, not making any noise but a little electrical hiss? Priceless. Only this felt more amazing.

It’s painful to watch my country not getting it. The car business is massively supported by French taxes and we’re hitting a wall but we still try to not look at the Prius, the Yaris or German cars that are so popular and of course sell much better than our own production. Our competition is better than us and three car manufacturers who can’t export in a small country like France is more than overkill.

But the worst part is that the industry today, the main industry today is not cars. We lost this one (and we’ll probably lose the high speed train one, we never managed to sell our tech despite having a 30 years head start fuck me). The industry today and tomorrow is happening with software, services and all this high tech where we’re getting absolutely fucked too, by a heavy competition and a terrible lack of support from the government compared to the disgusting amount of money injected in the car business lost battle for years.

Tokyo Smash from har0ld on Vimeo.

Beat by me, Tokyo by Japan.

 
Beat by me, MC Lyte by MC Lyte.

It’s very interesting to work on a hip hop beat. There’s much more going on than you would think, there’s a lot of work over details changing absolutely everything because it’s pretty straightforward, kick snare hi hat, bass and chords looping. The whole thing has to punch and feel like you never can have enough. Great challenge, it’s really addicting.

It’s been very good to try out and push limits, practice the best design tools for music : EQ & COMP. I love this snare smashing doors opening up for MC Lyte’s shotgun voice and tone killing everything  in the room.

I wanted somebody rapping something more introspective, kind of looking back on life and how to look up and not give up and stuff. Whatever.

Enjoy, yo.

Cleanness. Ruthlessness. Smartness. Politeness. Giancarlo Esposito’s character in Breaking Bad Gus, is the epitome of that. On Reddit comments show that people dig and are scared of this man at the same time like no other character on TV.

 
*badass poker face*

It seems like when these character traits are of a black man, it triggers simultaneously utter fascination and extreme fear. It creates a sense of scary perfection I think: someone with confidence, who takes no BS and cares about what’s going on, who knows how to behave to any situation with knowledge and experience and who has a lean, firm body that doesn’t age with potentially a big dick or a rounded ass attached to it? Man, that’s scary perfection. Beyond politics, that’s Barack and Michelle. Compared to my French president and his wife it’s not even the same league.

That’s some creepy stuff right here not only for white folks (but mostly), for black people too because somehow it goes beyond these two’s expectations of what being black mean, which simply means to be proud of who you are and do what you want to do like everybody else. It shouldn’t be creepy but thanks to living in a white controlled world (who is still discussing something as irrelevant as knowing where the president was born in 2012? Not people of color), it is.

Take rappers, prominent black figures of today. They have ruthlessness and smartness, they went from nothing to quite a lot doing whatever was needed. But they miss cleanness and politeness so people don’t think of them around them. They’re like clowns on TV. When Jay Z tries to be the casual dude, you don’t believe it.

Now this bad motherfucker right here who -in the show- can talk his way, is loved by everyone and gets what he wants without no one noticing anything but a polite and charming man, now that’s crazy. That could actually happen.  Of course it happens with white dudes everyday but somehow, they’re off the radar. If traders were black, they wouldn’t steal anything as there would be a cop behind them at all time.

This happened to Giancarlo recently:

Days before the interview, Esposito was stopped and frisked by New York police while walking out of a theater where he was rehearsing a play. After several frantic minutes – with him and officers screaming, and their guns drawn – they realized they had the wrong guy. Their suspect had a hoodie, and Esposito was wearing a suit. When it was over, one of the officers recognized him, from his recent turn on ABC’s "Once Upon a Time."

He doesn’t get upset about it, his entire career is based on race. He stays clean, he ruthlessly keeps his pain for himself because it’s a smart thing to do and he probably was very polite to the police. Like bad mofos do. CRSP.

It’s not that everything turns into shit but they kind of do though. The last bastion was family but I guess I see it crack more and more. Some people who were so close don’t see each other anymore and so on. It’s weird. I’m so naive. I want to believe! When I was a kid I remember saying to my parents that we should have a huge BBQ thing with BOTH of my families and that it would be the best thing ever. I remember seeing them smile and tell me that it might not happen, they didn’t say why I just had to grow up witness and understand why I didn’t have to be upset about the “aw that’s cute” vibe they sent. Anyway.

Sigh

So before they did this stupid bike lane, you could park in my street (it’s going to be important later). On the right side we had parking spaces. They decided that it was not useful to have parking spaces so they took them off. Then they put a bike lane. Then they put these green barriers on the right so you can’t park on the sidewalk. Then they put these retarded white HUGE things so that people can’t park on the bike lane (they do anyway, btw) and also can’t maneuver something big like a horse trailer.

So first that picture happens everyday with different configurations of annoyances. Cars use their horns, of course. Did I mention that there’s a bus line too so that if you park slightly off the bike lane the bus can’t go? He uses his big horn too. I’ve seen a bus stopped for 25 minutes, you can imagine the concerto.

Second my building has sewer problems, these days it smells super bad downstairs. Pipes are almost a hundred years old, it had to happen. So it’s clogged as fuck. So we need to pump it out. So we need a truck. So we need to park close: you can’t run a big diameter pipe across the street with cars and buses, obviously.

So now it’s a clusterfuck, I had to call the town hall, we have to get the authorization from the bus line (15 days in advance), move the stops of said bus line for a day, stop cars for a day too and synchronize the company doing the job so that we can literally pump the shit out of my building and pay around $1200 for this.

It’s great.

People most concerned by the problem downstairs don’t do much except complain, my dad already tried to unclog it by himself but it didn’t work long. Too many baby wipes too (guys wipes clog, don’t throw them in the toilet, ever)…

So yeah I don’t know, things turn to shit. Sometimes it’s kind of unavoidable (old pipes) but sometimes it really is because of some fucking moron up there who doesn’t have a foot in reality and fucks a lot of people’s lives over. I don’t have a car, I love bikes but I also know that people move in move out, get stuff delivered, need an intervention like us etc. You don’t just decide that cars are now strictly prohibited just like that.

If you wondered why I so much want and dream about a brand new green passive house pretty far from people, now you know.