Categories
Audio&Games

E booo

For the first time in the press people stood up against E3 and its ridiculous show. Look, E3 was great when I was a kid: getting the three or four magazine summer issues with all the last games, last hardware and here and there some boobs was the SHIT. When I was twelve.

12 years in the game industry and 20 years later. E3 still rolls on a mix of explosions, female curves and cute overload aesthetics and you think I’m going to enjoy that? Fuck no. Of course I feel embarrassed. Like a lot of developers do, especially older developers. In twenty years on TV we went from Dallas to Breaking Bad. What did we do? We went from Mario to Mario.

Computer games don’t need no trade show, I don’t know why we still pretend. We have the GDC, internet, selling. Consoles are getting so irrelevant, they are computers with updates as PCs and TVs now. There’s no need for a trade show like that. Just tweet a YouTube link and if your game is awesome this will spread.

Now I feel sorry for all the teams crunching for E3 demos -I’ve been there- and working their ass off to deliver what the publisher wants, but at the same time I’m not going to get excited for another kind of retarded third person shooter. I’m not going to get excited by another iteration just because I know it’s a lot of work. It doesn’t work this way.

Categories
Music

CPUsic

This is what you can do with audio today with a $4000 computer. To give you an idea this pretty cheap PC can record a philharmonic orchestra, simulate two 12-people bands’ instruments (24 virtual instruments), put effects over everything, synchronize a video over all this music, all at the same time in HD and still have room for more.

It’s more power than one person behind the Digital Audio Workstation can dream of for his entire life. We can play 24/192 digital audio files but it makes no sense. I think we’re set with digital audio for a while.

I can do a lot already with my modest dual core. Like 50 tracks and a dozen of virtual instruments and another dozen of audio effects at 2 ms. It’s huge. So many possibilities. I can create a chain of effects in a few clicks that would have taken DAYS of preparation forty years ago.

It’s overwhelming but that’s every musician’s dream since the beginning of recording music, the ability to control in an easy way the process of actually making music, not just playing it.

For that Garage Band on the iPad is amazing, making recording music even more simple.

Times are fast and I feel like it’s hard to keep up when things that were just a dream a decade ago become the norm later in your life. It’s kind of wow. There’s so much to learn.

Categories
Me Myself&I

5Summer4

Composed and created for Flirtatious (but discarded) during winter in Paris, when I was dreaming about sun and warm weather. And then I went to LA in February and I had a pre-mix on my mp3 player and I had forgotten about it. Listening to it while hanging out around Silver Lake, enjoying a warm weather was so powerful.

Now how you get ideas on the go: I recorded the guitar part which sounded good with these settings but added a lot of “hiss”, noise. Solution: adding more noise with waves and birds. And all of sudden you’re at the beach. I can listen to it on repeat, low volume, closing my eyes for a while.

I have a couple of tracks in the work but I don’t really know which one to finish first.

Categories
Me Myself&I

Retirement glory

Retirement is a bitch. Retirement homes are more than meh.

My grandfather has Parkinson’s, my grandmother has multiple “dark zones in her brain” forgets everything and has giving up on walking since looking at her husband getting crazier and crazier isn’t helping either.

My dad is bringing them every Saturday for lunch, a bit of TV and family time. It’s now an automatic, long process. It’s more than exhausting, it’s killing all of us to watch a once smart and funny old man getting physically so thin, so stiff and pretty much being a vegetable trying to grab nurses’ breasts and that my mom has to feed before eating. In the rare occasions where he is himself and has all his conscious, he always says “I’m sorry”.

What the fuck is the point of all that. Seriously. It fades out my good memories with him and he’s suffering a slow death.

I don’t know what will be my end but I hope to work until the last day of my life and die in my sleep at home. I never want to be put in a retirement home. My dad’s company works on retirement homes’ ways to do a better job since more that 20 years and I know the numbers: there is no way that elderly’s quality of life gets better because there will be much more old folks than people taking care of them. It’s already a mess and it’s NOTHING compared to the next wave, the baby-papy boom generation.

If something like Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s happens to me, I hope I’ll be strong enough and have the possibility to end my life with a sunset, some drugs in my blood and maybe, hopefully a handjob.

It would be nicer, more human and cost-effective for everybody than what we do today.

Categories
Audio&Games

Fun dilemma

I have like forty games on Steam. I finished maybe three and played about ten of them?

I love to play games of course and that’s the problem. I manage to stop myself from doing it. Good games are addicting. Go, poker. It’s almost by definition.

Gamasutra has an article on the subject.

“Pleasure without learning only creates an empty experience that can be dangerously addictive.”

These days you don’t learn a lot with games, that’s for sure. There’s pleasure, a lot of it (“particles!!!!!!”) but I know I’ll end up playing them too much. It becomes the new TV the thing you do at night, mindlessly for more time than you should.

I already spent 40 hours in Torchlight and I kind of am falling into it again and want to play the second (engineer class!) despite knowing that I will just click a lot and watch visual effects rendered in real time on my computer.

I love computer games. I love them so much that I transformed a lot of things to games. Like following the tech industry and predict where it goes or how it works or riding bikes in the Car City or escaping people’s patterns on the sidewalk like I’m in Ikaruga… Quick, fun challenges.

I grind on my bass instead of grinding in a MMO. I don’t know, it never really stops.

I mean if fun is about learning and exploring I like to do so in the real world more, it’s more satisfying. Escapism is better achieved with music and movies, I feel. Not because of their passive nature but because content-wise games are lagging as I wrote a million time about it.

Right now it rains, it’s Saturday afternoon and I don’t know if I want to play some music -that is, grind on hand positions and keep the rhythm- or Torchlight. But I know which one will be more valuable.

Categories
Me Myself&I

Fuck gender role

“I’m aware that men and women are fundamentally different.”

I read that all the time on the Internet and it’s plain wrong.

First it’s kind of a flawed statement as saying somebody is stupid: it shuts down communication and you lose by default. If the statement is so true, then why are we living together? We should fundamentally have our own different countries and just make babies over borders, right?

Of course we are not fundamentally different. We are made of the same, pretty much have the same performances physically and mentally, same needs… Gender role fucks it up though:

Gender role theory posits that boys and girls learn the appropriate behavior and attitudes from the family and overall culture they grow up with, and so non-physical gender differences are a product of socialization. Social role theory proposes that the social structure is the underlying force for the gender differences. Social role theory proposes that the sex-differentiated behavior is driven by the division of labor between two sexes within a society. Division of labor creates gender roles, which in turn, lead to gendered social behavior.

But today this is bullshit. Men and women are everywhere and if there are not a lot of women owning businesses or being at the top, there are some. And growing. And men simply wanting to have a good life instead of dough. Therefore division of labor thing creating gender roles is getting untrue each day. But sadly we’re still having booth babes in 2012 at E3 and so many cultures are way back on this and we still call women loving sex sluts and so forth, because by creating “fundamental differences” we enable judgment which leads to disrespect and then it goes wrong. The difference between reality and what we know and makes sense is too big (dissonance I’m talking about in the previous post). We do believe in equality and all of sudden we destroy this belief “we’re fundamentally different.” What?

That’s why it’s important to say “we don’t want this shit anymore, it’s retarded” to the E3 team and tell kids “really, we’re fundamentally the same. Except for the tits and dick thing, obviously. You don’t need me to see there’s something going on.”

Categories
Me Myself&I

Faith-based consciousness is bringing us down

Never has the world seemed so completely united-in the form of communication, commerce, and culture-and so savagely torn apart-in the form of war, financial meltdown, global warming, and even the migration of diseases.
No matter how much we put our minds to the task of meeting the challenges of a rapidly globalizing world, the human race seems to continually come up short, unable to muster the collective mental resources to truly "think globally and act locally." In his most ambitious book to date, bestselling social critic Jeremy Rifkin shows that this disconnect between our vision for the world and our ability to realize that vision lies in the current state of human consciousness. The very way our brains are structured disposes us to a way of feeling, thinking, and acting in the world that is no longer entirely relevant to the new environments we have created for ourselves.

The human-made environment is rapidly morphing into a global space, yet our existing modes of consciousness are structured for earlier eras of history, which are just as quickly fading away. Humanity, Rifkin argues, finds itself on the cusp of its greatest experiment to date: refashioning human consciousness so that human beings can mutually live and flourish in the new globalizing society.

In essence, this shift in consciousness is based upon reaching out to others. But to resist this change in human relations and modes of thinking, Rifkin contends, would spell ineptness and disaster in facing the new challenges around us. As the forces of globalization accelerate, deepen, and become ever more complex, the older faith-based and rational forms of consciousness are likely to become stressed, and even dangerous, as they attempt to navigate a world increasingly beyond their reach and control. Indeed, the emergence of this empathetic consciousness has implications for the future that will likely be as profound and far-reaching as when Enlightenment philosophers upended faith-based consciousness with the canon of reason.

Jeremy Rifkin: The Empathic Civilization: The Race to Global Consciousness in a World in Crisis

We are here. The old faith-based human consciousness is making us wait and still fucks everything around. I can’t believe that we’re solving insanely complex problems to build microchips with billions of transistors and at the same time we’re fighting over territories or ask the president where he is really born. My best personal example is with my dad with whom I can talk about hemp insulation for sustainable houses but I can’t talk about weed because in his mind it goes: weed-drugs-bad. It’s Good or Bad, faith-based, it’s not about facts and reality in this case. Same plant though.

There’s just this huge, uncomfortable dissonance around that I wish I could harmonize just like *snap* that.

Categories
Me Myself&I

Can’t live without them

Foster dad's workshop.
That’s on my to-do list. A nice workshop.

I’m obsessed with tools. I love them, all of them.

They change your life by fixing or building, creating stuff. If they’re not used, they rarely loose value. They’re as useful and welcome the first time you use them as the billionth time.

Everything can be a tool but things stop being tools when we care more about them than what they actually do. What else improve your life the way tools do?

They’re awesome.

Categories
Audio&Games

Nobody wants to hear this

But I think consoles are dead. The game console market is dead. Media peeps continue to think that a new generation will arrive and that they will be invited to events like E3 and stuff but everything is saying “no, no and no” to that.

First, profits. Making and selling game consoles isn’t making a lot of money and never really did except for Nintendo. It’s costing a fucking lot of money to make ship and distribute these machines, look at the state of the industry: MS leads and makes money with the 360 but the Xbox division is still in the red from a decade of losing money. Sony is bleeding billions from PS3 and now Vita disasters. Nintendo printed money and it stopped so abruptly that a year after a huge drop of Wii/DS sales and the 3DS mistake, Nintendo loses money. Of course Apple doesn’t want to get in this game. No 25% margin and huge costs? Bye. Uninteresting. And they all want to make money like Cupertino.

Second, market. Devices everywhere, quad-core, 4”, 7”, 13”, 32” inches displays we are surrounded by powerful things that can run games. It’s the first time ever. Before we had big computers in the office room or small consoles in the living room. Now we have a wide array of game-capable devices anywhere and in the context of our economy, people buy Swiss-knife like devices because they’re great (smartphones). The dedicated, game-only devices would work if they were dirt cheap. They are not. You know what I see kids play the most these days (I have a good sample in the park outside my place everyday for lunch)? CARDS. They play cards, take pictures or play some quick games on their phones, send 300 sms in half an hour and that’s it. Handheld consoles are out.

Third, development. We hit a wall, we’re at the max since the last generation. Games like MGS4 have budget around 100 million dollars and it’s insane to develop something for years and sell it for a couple of weeks. This was the model the AAA business was following, thinking that we would create a new Hollywood. Making games is way more complex than movies and despite better tools, we still need years to output one forgettable AAA game. And that’s why they’re so dull these days: there’s no time/it’s too risky to go for something new, let’s just make things pretty and overly fucking scripted to oblivion. That’s a testament of how hard it is to make games using all this graphic goodness, not that publishers are (that) lazy. This is unsustainable. 

Also, game developers can make some bucks from being independent. Would you rather aim for this unknown dude who worked on GTA 5 like a slave or aim to be Notch? People move fast today, they do a game at a big name publisher, leave, do some consulting while working on their own game etc. The all 30-years-in-the-same-building Nintendo-ish dream is not happening anymore. And that’s a good thing!

So instead of being “I don’t understand what’s going on with the industry, can’t wait for the next gen!” let’s just move on from caring about machines and manufacturers, let’s focus on games and apps. Let’s reward people making good stuff.

Edit: just watched E3 confs and trailers… So dull, so lame, so hideous, so douche-y, so tacky, so gimmicky, so WTF. The list goes on.

Categories
Me Myself&I

Not your average life story


Homemade by the bride and the groom

My other family. Anxiety. Smile. Road. Green. Voices. Accent. Jokes. Kids. Dogs. Cars. Alcohol. Jokes. Silence. Noise. Damn hot. 150 people wedding. Smiles. Tears. Alcohol. Food. Jokes. Dance. Storm. Alcohol. Rain. Ricoré. Hangover. Cold buffet. Four kisses. Road. Exhaustion.

Emotions. My foster mom always has this sad face when I leave. Always. The trauma of me leaving for another family, I guess. I’m doing pretty well but I really need buffer days to build up some nerves and fight this huge blues.

I said on Twitter that my life story has probably never been lived before and bam, I found someone pretty close to my case only older, in the UK and with black parents. He talks about the difficulty of interracial adoption but in my case there’s another twist: being an orphan there is no other culture like in his case, Nigerian. No siblings, nada.

I just have “black culture” in its blurry definition. And it’s great. I transitioned smoothly from white-only culture to my own recipe through the years.

It’s always been awesome to imagine things up -OK, all I know is born in Paris and named Harold- when I was younger but since the adult world needs you to define yourself so much -use this, listen to that tribe tribe tribe- it’s confusing and not as fun now. You need a past. Past creates bonds with people which is why a lot of my friends have a not-so-conventional one. Of course in theory all that doesn’t matter. Sometimes the theory almost works long enough to believe in it. But the reality is much colder, I’ve been doing this for over thirty years and I read a lot.

Adewale ended up for a while in Hollywood. That’s a good L.A. thing for us, weirdos. Nobody gives you the stink eye for anything bizarre you do or who you are, it’s always cool right away. Maybe it’s fake and feels like a dream but at the same time, the last  weekend wedding fest in the green middle of France felt like a dream too.