Category: Me Myself&I

After almost six months doing IT support, I am still shocked at how much people don’t like their tablets. I never bought the hype but I was pretty sure that people enjoyed their devices.

Main complaint: They’re tired of pulling the keyboard out, constantly. And if they’re using their tablets a lot they buy stands and keyboards and then well, it’s just a laptop that isn’t compatible with everything like a laptop is.

Laptops are fantastic in terms of usage. They’re light, they sit on their own, mate screens are still the shit (thanks Lenovo, thank you). You might even be able to upgrade a thing or two to make them last longer. If I could have the same 2012 laptop that I have with 2017 AMD hardware inside, I’d buy one as soon as possible. OEMs are still thinking that people look for innovation when we’re looking for peace of mind. So they build new laptops with new hardware, changing the keyboard layout –who asked you?- getting rid of ports –who asked you?- and adding shit we never asked for, like a touchscreen. Laptops with touchscreens make absolutely no sense.

15” is kind of the perfect size to work at a desk and watch a movie in bed. Plug in a controller bam, it’s a Switch console now. Plug in speakers and a sound card, you now have a more than decent recording studio. It’s beautiful.

I want people to realize the beauty in the fact that we have reached some kind of perfection. Bigger sizes don’t do it. More pixels don’t change nothing (your eyes are not getting better with time) and are absolutely overkill on the GPU/battery life front.

There is no need to reach for new form factors. We could use more convenience like waterproof, washable laptop keyboard (how come it’s still not a thing????), actual standard sound volume buttons and other little improvements and consistency that need to be polished.

I wish I could start a hardware shop. Simple Machines. Customized by real users, for real users.

So I’m there in the little blue bar:

The divide is staggering. You can read about the full report here (pdf).

Between 1983 and 2013, the wealth of median Black households decreased by 75%.

Basically most of the black wealth earned after WWII and the civil rights movement is gone. Let’s take a picture of economic growth:

Wealth, worldwide, went up so hard after the 50s it’s almost a straight vertical line. At the same time, black people in the wealthiest country on earth, in the freest times –1980s and up– lost 75% of their wealth. That’s just not possible, technically. That makes no sense whatsoever. And yet.

If we don’t change everything now, well from the report’s own words:

By 2024, median Black and Latino households are projected to own 60-80% less wealth than they did in 1983. By then, the continued rise in racial wealth inequality between median Black, Latino and White households is projected to lead White households to own 99 and 75 times more wealth than their Black and Latino counterparts, respectively.

In a few years white people in the US probably will have on average, about 2 orders of magnitude more wealth than black people. I can’t even process that. I have to re-do the math. Twice as much is 2X, which is already a lot more. Five times more is filthy. 99 times more? No wonder white folks are so much more chill about the future while people of color are stressing out. Jesus. More facts:

I think this is what gets me the most. Strong, qualified black and brown folks doing worse despite having done everything to succeed. I know, you white folks feel irritated by that because you did everything to succeed too and it didn’t pan out. But on average, you have a massive cushion of wealth that will help you out. We don’t have that.

Because the safety net is basically inexistent the fact that qualified, highly educated people of color can’t find work is a tragedy in the making. It’s even weirder with all that talk about inclusivity and diversity, that makes it even more confusing to me, tech worker of color. I can’t land a start of an interview for contract jobs that I can do with ease, that’s how bad it is. Meanwhile all the jobs I did? Stellar reviews from bosses. It’s disheartening. But I keep going. It’s been years.

It’s not about education. It’s not about working hard. It’s not about making sacrifices. It’s about wealth distribution. And distribution fucking sucks.

Laguna Beach a few weeks ago. Photo by my dear Janet.

It’s when I noticed that homeless people all have better shoes than I do that I felt anxiety going up a bit. On that beach day I saw a pair of Jordan’s by the thrash cans and wanted to pick them up. No judging.

Colin Kaepernick is on GQ’s cover but my brothas are disappearing. They’re around, I see them, have them on the phone, text them. We have a bowl, a drink, talking politics and sports. And one day poof, gone. Nothing for days, which become months. There’s something terrifying in having your peers, your friends vanishing in a 24/7 connected world. Anxiety going up a bit more. Black men are really not doing well. We’re hiding it in plain sight. Stay strong, brother. Don’t forget to close your eyes and to stretch that body, it helps.

I spent the weekend with my favorite dog.

He was on the couch like this, facing me while I was editing pages of some book. He would stare at me, making sure that I wouldn’t leave or get ready to go somewhere. When I went to the bathroom, he busted the door open and seeing me telling him “heyyy” he ran away, like a little kid in fake trouble. Once I settled on my laptop, he closed his eyes and started to drift away. That’s when I snapped this picture.

The day before after freezing for a second when I opened the door, he greeted me with so much excitement. His heart was pounding in his chest like it was about to dislocate itself. I like rubbing his chest, making him feel proud. Also it’s so soft.

We played. We ran. We met other dogs. He tried to jump two wolf-ish husky on the sidewalk. He growled at one that really looks like a damn wolf, just looking at him from the bed, inside. He really hates those. We walked in the sun, he loves that so much.  We got barked at from an off leash border collie and my dude simply froze at my feet raising his eyes, looking for instructions. So cute knowing that he could end this dumb ass’s life in a few minutes.

He played the silly dog, jumped around on the couch, rolled over. He’s getting stiff but he’s staying young. When it’s time for me to go, he has three states: sleeping/too tired to care, annoyed/knows he’s going to be alone and excited/wants to go with me in which case he stands there in the way, mildly whining. It was one of those times. It’s hard but I don’t escalate the sad energy I just open my nostrils to the max and slowly close the door.

He is a good dog. Probably the best on earth, I know them all shhh.

Man, I’m so mad. Curtis Mayfield’s history is amazing.

Jimi Hendrix opened for him in the late 50s. Curtis definitely influenced him.

He and the Impressions basically created Bob Marley and the Wailers, who couldn’t stop listening to the Chicago-based band and artist, covering his songs and harmonies.

He worked with Donny Hathaway but it didn’t work out.

He had on his label Curtom that band called The Winstons who recorded “Amen, Brother” which features the Amen Break, the most sampled track in the history of music.

He auditioned that group called the “Jackson 5” and passed on them.

He was a millionaire in his 20s with his own label, owning all the rights to all his songs, after starting his life in a seedy hotel with his family starving more often than not. Pretty incredible.

But he fucked up with his friends, over business decisions mostly. He fucked up with his family (at one time he was married, had a girlfriend pregnant and was in love with another woman), beat his significant others from time to time. Once success left him he went down some cocaine binges apparently. I mean, it’s not very original but I’m shocked. I used to listen to Curtis quite a lot in the late 90s early 00s, thinking this man with this beautiful, fragile voice, composing strong and definitive songs and grooves, couldn’t be what I’m reading right now about him. Motherfucker was dark too.

Damn.

The memoir is going.

Reading others’ biographies, I realize that it was hard work for them too. Only usually they have an editor and people encouraging them, I just do it all on my own. I told my parents about it, they said “ok”. Okay, then.

People talk about taking notes and organizing them in the real world of paper and physics, I do it all in my head. Four decades, four parts. I wrote in chronological order.  If there’s something I forgot to talk about I note it in my head and keep thinking about it until I finally write it down. I do that for everything in my life, from EQ settings for a kick drum to things to send at work or tasks to do at home. I’m lazy, my memory is always with me, closer than a phone or a notebook. I use post-it for dumb things like moving the car for street cleaning.

I’m exhausted and burned out mentally. But then I find the energy again and again.

I’m job hunting like a demon, still. Living the leanest life I’ve ever lived.

I broke my bike’s rear wheel axle. I biked over 9000 km (6,000+ miles) in the past four years.

I took this screenshot ten years ago, when I was doing research for my aunt on her computer after she went through chemotherapy for an ovary cancer.

This year she’s finally getting some cannabis-based treatment and feels much better. Less pain, sleeps better, has less difficulty to talk. I’m glad she feels better but I’m sad that she could have a long time ago. At that time I was ready to grow some, to buy some for her and for myself. I had had one of those talk that ends up with a door slammed with my dad. He thought I had lost my mind a bit.

Now he tells me how his sister is feeling better, looking down on skype.

I will never understand what the fuck we’re doing, why we’re so weird with this plant.

The Kings and Nets are going to be fun to watch this year. I miss D-Lo at the Lakers and I still think that Lakers squad last year was the best, they needed to consolidate. Oh well. D Fox at Sacramento is nuts.

My Spurs doing fine. LMA being super impressive with the return of his unbeatable midrange fade away. Passing sharply, blocking. Murray’s ceiling seems to get higher every game. Rudy Gay and Kawhi Leonard are going to slowly clutch all the close games, watch. The Timberwolves are definitely scary. MAN

Boogie and AD going ham as predicted but the rest of the Pels look bleak. OKC and Houston definitely have a “too many possibilities” problem on offense and still not so great defense that they need to solve quick.

That’s a Coates-approved title, isn’t it?

Ellen Pao wrote a book about sexism in Silicon Valley that came out last month. There was the crazy R Kelly human trafficking stuff this summer.

There’s the all Weinstein thing exploding in Hollywood, and a few hashtags on Twitter about sexual harassment and discrimination towards women, from #MeToo to #BalanceTonPorc. Almost two decades that I introduced myself to feminism and we’re still unveiling awful shit. I hope this is actual progress that we’re witnessing.

I never know what to say to men besides focusing on how freedom means freedom, which means women are entitled to as much, as absurd, as luscious things as men and that it’s not fucking complicated to understand. When we’re chilling men can’t not agree.

But as soon as we feel threatened, as soon as we need to lash out, we’re back on our bullshit. A lot of us. Too many. And too many who wish they could.

On the other hand the elephant in the room is that abuse is abuse but it still can serve someone’s goals, true. Being abused and personal gain are not mutually exclusive. Women were scared by Mr. Weinstein, got nightmares and PTSD for years but also got promoted, or got that role that allowed them to flourish. For some reason men, who are the ones setting up the rules or working on being the ones making them, are mad that women could use a ladder after being molested and soiled.

We can’t steal women’s agency and then be furious that they find ways to do what they wanted anyway by playing us, that’s stupid. But more importantly we need to stop the stealing, plain and simple.