Category: Me Myself&I

So I’m making an erotic game. There are enough platformers around, I think.

Which means, sex research. Everything, from physiology to history to businesses. Getting some ideas, feeling how much I’m on something or if it’s rubbish etc. Good news is, I’m on something.

Bad news is, holy fuck is sex the subject where you see the most vile and ignorant human behavior. Race, hitting me hard when I never thought of interracial sex as “something” nor did I have physical preferences except for having kind of the same height/width that I have. Black women. Oh my, I didn’t know (fourth graphic). There’s way more depressing stuff, trust me.

(this is a very good example of how racism and race issues are always, always there somewhere even if I don’t search for them; and then they hit me with a cane the size of Jupiter.)

The ignorance and the shame around sex that I see all around, web or real world makes me realize the luck I had growing up as I did and how I’m pretty much a sexpert today.

So excitement, huge depression, hope, I got it all. Moving on.

I might reuse this picture a lot.

These days I’m realizing that one of the most powerful weapon to change things around –learning from others- is not used at all.

You know, whatever your beliefs are I always thought that when the real world shows you that there’s a better way, you go for it. I mean, this is what we did post WWII, making progress.

Today though it’s increasingly something people not only don’t want, but are against! Healthcare in the US is still a raging debate, despite Europe, despite Germany, despite Sweden, despite France, despite Costa Rica, the US will not copy something that works somewhere else and apply it to its people. Not even something as basic and crucial as healthcare. Mind blowing.

The same can be said for all cultures, France can’t structurally change despite having Germany perform a ton better and three decades of economic analysis coming from everywhere stipulating over and over what needs to change so real growth comes back. Nope.

Not knowing is one thing. Not applying is I suppose, a right albeit a dumb one. But not acknowledging that something else is better or “refusing” that it is the case is plain denial and goes against everything we went through and built up to the past thirty years. We now have to fight hard just to allow common sense to be heard (yes, end the drug war, yes, right to die etc).

It’s just fucking weird. It’s like we benefit progress everyday but don’t care about future progress that we enable now, with changes. Well, I’m craving for them changes.

Fell on this article about rimming some dude and straight anal sex.. The conclusion says it all for me: “I’m only in the meat body for so long, whatever is going to give this spirit the best experience on earth, I’m taking it. You know?”

Especially something good, harmless and free. So let’s cover the subject.

But why??

Because pragmatism: the area is packed with a mountain of nerves and vessels and muscles, like a lot. It makes sense to use all of that to enhance pleasure, don’t you think? Did you know that the area between genitals and the anus is twice as long in males as in females? That’s some playground stuff right here and so by extension, in the heat of the moment you can lick that little star too, all of that being connected underneath. The act also means that you probably completely trust your partner to do or receive the gesture, which is a sign of a healthy relationship (and why you can’t really rim a butthole on first date). Also a lot of people rim: between gay and lesbians, straight female and straight males who play with theirs, you will not be in the minority if you try:

That’s worldwide. That’s double the interest in half a decade. We are broke, bored and have the internet apparently.

But what about poop??

Well science, Bitch. You have a muscle that acts like an automatic door which is closed by default so unless you or your partner are willing to push and shit in each other’s mouth, it is safe to lick and kiss some ass. If we’re talking about poop in butt hair or around, just demand that stuff to be gone, forever. A clean and moisturized bottom is probably way safer than your coworker’s keyboard so don’t get too paranoid on that. The clean your butt and empty your stomach before playing part is obvious but I guess it needs to be said again.

Let’s say I just got out of the shower, how can I ask my partner to do it, that I’m ready?

No you’re not. You can’t just clean your butt and ask someone to lick it. You need to learn on your own first by touching, squeezing, massaging, pushing, pulling, petting the entire “danger zone” while you imagining her moaning, sucking on your cock. There, I did it all for you.

The point is to get comfortable with your own entire body, first. I’m sure I would be traumatized by anal penetration if it was to happen for the first time with someone else, in an confusing and painfully dry way.

Don’t make your partner responsible for your own body discovery, that’s your job.

Once you know yourself, the asking part is easy. You know what you want and you’ll feel if the partner is up to it and because your butt will be squeaky clean and sexy, she’ll probably go at it on her own. I mean, it happened to me.

Anyway, this stuff takes a while. It takes quite a long time for a straight male to think about something deeper than the penis tip discharge, that moment we’ve been waiting for over and over and over. Boring. It took me about a year between the idea of playing with my butt and understand my body better and find pleasure. Sometimes I would give up. “This is weird and dumb”. Pass that.

Once I found the p-spot, I increased my pleasure gradually for another year, at least. Learning how to breath. I didn’t know what you can get from controlling and playing with the Joy Machine, full throttle, including nipple stimulation. Oh yeah, touching nipples simultaneously with your genitals increases pleasure, for all humans. Nerve connection (in my twenties I HATED any nipple stimulation so I guess it’s a matter of learning). We’re talking about complete blackout of the mind, body shaking-induced orgasms. And at least 5 liters of cum everywhere. La petite mort, the real deal. I feel like it made me hornier, but more in control of it. That is some upgrade. Maybe it’s just me. I don’t think so at all.

It goes full circle: as a boy entering puberty you start shaking the tip of your tiny penis with shame to let some white stuff come out because it apparently wants to, and as an adult you start playing with your butt with shame, to achieve something way stronger than just emptying your balls. There is more to your body than just bodily functions.

*drops the mic*

*waves crowd*

Second week. I have now seen, dealt with so many dysfunctional shit that it’s a miracle that I’m not sick. The transition is always weird because I always think that it’s going to be easier than it is. That I’ll jump on my stand-up home studio and go back to my music but it’s grey, the vibe is definitely not the same in December in Paris and finishing tracks made in sunny LA… It’s not easy.

Finally, I’m soon going to port my game prototype to Unity 4 with full, official, FMOD integration. Thank god the devs made it happened in September, I was waiting for it for the past three years, hacking Unity 3.5 and crying. This is why people don’t code, too many moronic things to deal with.

I hope it will work technically. Then I’ll be able to have a bit more fun building up mechanics and less anxiety (is my tool chain dead?).

I also successfully pitched a game to the great Baratunde Thurston, so much work to do though and we’re both super busy. But that game could will have a huge impact. So excited to use all the knowledge I have to make great stuff. Every time I watch some game design guru or TED talk about how to design best, I’m totally green-lit in my approaches and that makes me even more determined.

I’m now searching for a can-pay-the-rent job in L.A. so if you have something for a good looking immigrant, please, please, please email the fuck out of my email address.

Never forget:

"Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence.
Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent.
Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.
Education alone will not; the world is full of educated derelicts.
Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent."
                                    Calvin Coolidge

It’s just started.

A week in. Pretty brutal, let me tell you. #backtofrance #ugh

Designed in 1935, built in 1936. Before rockets exist, 30 years before NASA and 60s futurism, 40 years before Star Wars.

So I went on Mid-Century Modern architecture binge in the past few days. Lloyd Wright (crazy life!), the prairie school, the Case Study Houses, Wright’s disciples like John Lautner, Rudolph Schindler or Richard Neutra.

I adore that modern style. I always loved futurism but what makes me crazy is that some of these houses have been designed almost 100 years ago (1920s), built a little bit later and still, in 2013, look super modern! It blows my mind.

We have Wifi and devices we could not imagine even ten years ago and we live in houses and buildings that look like we’re in 1800s. Even compact or mid-size cars have beautiful design today so why don’t we do that with housing? House design really demonstrates how we suck at big scale change.

Melvyn Maxwell and Sara Stein Smith House. Usonian as fuck. I can’t stop contemplate.

Despite designing houses to a ridiculous level of detail (up to furniture and knobs), which would often double the budget decided, there were not that perfect. Wright’s iconic flat roofs were often leaking after a couple of years and although he used locations to get as much sun as possible in the house –passive heating- or very innovative radiant floors, a lot of these houses were/are hard and expensive to maintain, too cold and too hot.

The thing is today we have the technology to have those problems solved. Wright’s didn’t have triple pane glass for example, which solves the glass problem (lets the sun go through as much as the cold) entirely. Leaking flat roofs? We have rubber technology for that now or even better, green roofs. I’m surprised Wright wasn’t into this, he seemed to love nature and the technique is as old as Vikings are but maybe he didn’t want to think about any old building technique, he wanted to disconnect entirely from Europe and the Old World.

Super fascinating stuff to me. Wright’s focus on harmony and structure talks to me, bassist-composer-passivehaus-lover.

November, an hour ago.

I was wondering why people moving to another country would come back and forth in their lives pretty regularly. Obligations. Now I know.

Meanwhile, constant comparison between my life in California and my life in Ile de France. Just putting them together in the same sentence sounds weird. Who wins? Nobody wins. Through different lenses, different angles and different distances, there are preferences. It’s an endless mind game.

These days I tend to feel an unlimited amount of creativity in L.A. while I feel most at peace in the City of Light. That actually sums it up very well.

Sometimes in France people tell me “tu remontes là-haut?” which means “are you going back up there?”, like the USA are obviously an upgrade or inaccessible, higher. It’s always sounded exciting as hell, especially from France’s countryside. So when I look around me and see a typical US street like on TV when I was a kid and that I’d dream of riding my bike there, it’s always a bit surreal. And still exciting.

Obviously, there’s much more to living somewhere than just spacing out at a LA stop. The American Dream these days looks like a spinning bottle going faster and faster pointing at two things:

It’s total bullshit and always has been.
It’s possible to make it.

It might not matter at all. For now it’s the classic, weird blues a couple of weeks ahead of switching back to Paris for a while.

I often hear that we can solve multiple problems at once. No we can’t! We prioritize. Sure, we can feed a baby, watch TV and put a finger in our nose to pull out some dirt at the same time but we don’t if we want to fully do what we have to do: you need a mirror and to go deep to nicely get that booger. My point is there’s an order to follow always, be it for a mom, an operating system, a company or sending back home a space module. To solve problems aka get shit done you create lists and you prioritize items.

To me prioritization starts with women. Let’s start with half the planet, shall we? Once equality is achieved with them, much better. Then let’s go with race because well the same, it touches a lot of people and it’s been going on for way too long. Let’s reach equality here too.

Well, I’m pretty sure if all that was to happen, a lot of bad things like how we treat our polar bears or how we damage our soil would stop immediately. We wouldn’t even need to fight for it, it would be simply common sense in an equalitarian world. Gay rights? Of course guys. A broader definition of gender? Absolutely. War on drugs? Aborted. I mean who’d give a shit now? Who would be against that in a genuinely equalitarian society? Voted! Bam, the next day it’s reality.

Instead we get super intense on problems that are children of parents that we don’t blame for nothing. We don’t connect the dots: we want more women at the top while they discover their own bodies in their 20s or are still raised as little princesses, it cannot work can it? While same sex marriage is great, I really wish people would throw as much energy against sexism and racism which are thriving forces still, no matter what your political views are. I wish media would be relentless on that, instead of playing on how people divide themselves through archaic values like marriage and who can use it. I wish I would see people posting about saving foster care kids at least once instead of dogs over and over. Yeah. It hurts, I know.

People don’t want or don’t have the time to read the whole story. They simply need an external cause to defend to feel better, preferably popular, and that’s it. There’s no reflection on a question like where the fuck the main problems come from?

So let’s start the sequence, step by step. It doesn’t work? Start over. Connect the dots. That’s how we do.

When I was 12 years old it was perfectly OK to watch Robocop or Predator,” Bleszinski says, “but the second that a breast was flashed on screen, my mother would attempt to toss a blanket or a coat over my head. That probably explains a lot of my adult issues. Americans in general have really weird ideas about sex and violence, and that micro-example kind of summarizes it nicely.

Cliffy, speaking of sex in games. The article describes the difficulty to get sex in “big games” right. The article doesn’t mention anything about app stores ban on anything sexual, like it’s totally normal.

I was raised Southern Baptist, and no one ever talked to me about genital selfplay. So I didn’t ask about it and didn’t cum until I was a 22-year-old graduate student living in Florida.

Twanna wrote about her first orgasm. She is far from being the only one raised like that.

Both Cliff and Twanna are around my age, maybe a bit older. America’s sex culture –or lack of- is frightening and twisted as fuck.