h. Play

It’s not worse. It’s not better. It’s wrong.

I always feel uncomfortable when people think that dead kids is the “worst of evil”. There’s no gradient in death, it’s sad in every case.

We think that a 50 year old man killed randomly by a shooter is less of a big deal because he’s in the middle of his life but what if he was about to enjoy the best 20 years of his life after working hard for it? On the opposite what if the kid killed was going to ruin some people’s lives by drunk driving, hitting a family van? We’ll never know. It ended abruptly and all we have are our eyes to cry.

My cold ass orphan past probably makes me think this way but I never really considered kids as kids but as small adults. I don’t forget that they understand things, even if they can’t express them through language. I don’t forget that in some countries right now, some are soldiers and trained to kill people, or that in some culture kids have sex very early on or watch it. It weirds me out too but you can understand how this is possible if you don’t treat kids as little pure and cute things that they aren’t, sorry to hurt you Western normative culture. They are small adults with shitty experience and that’s why we need to nurture them, not because they’re virtually perfect, adorable little miniature of oneself. After four or five years on this planet, they are not.

I especially don’t like how people realize that children dying from bullets is a terrible thing when as Jezebel notes, “black children accounted for forty-five percent of all child gun deaths in the United States, despite being only fifteen percent of the child population.” Please read the report and think of things like “Between 1979 and 2009, gun deaths among white children decreased by 44 percent and increased by 30 percent among black children over the same period.”

Nobody gave/gives a shit. No one cares, it’s like black people are not part of society. But a tragedy happens and the nation’s emotional attachment to it is strong enough that it might change things. I hope.

Too bad all these dead black kids never had any impact on gun laws. I feel sorry because if they had, a lot of children include those white kids from Newton could be alive today.

So much for preventing the “worst of evil”.

So now it’s about mental illness.

We know where that mental illness grows. Not the medical one, the societal one. It grows in people in an unstable society. A society that makes no sense in so many ways and fuck us up. When I read Gawker’s unemployment stories I see what can fuel the explosion of an individual. 2010 has seen the highest suicide rate in the US in 15 years.

What most boomers driving our Western society don’t get is that things really changed, that today you can make the best choices and it just doesn’t matter, you’re still going to possibly end up in shitty places through the weight of things you cannot control at all. The sense that as an individual things are more random than ever before, is terrible.

That’s like, the strongest despair you can get.

You don’t even need to be so mentally ill to snap out of control. It just happens. The Colorado shooter was an apparently brilliant dude, studying neuroscience. How could we see what was about to happen? We could not and no one could. On the other hand the Virginia Tech killer was receiving treatment, therapy and special education for years and that didn’t stop him. He wanted to replicate Columbine and did.

Look at the Empire State Building shooting, the 58 year old perpetrator went there to kill his boss after he had been laid off. No psychiatric problems ever, he just had enough after being evicted from his apartment. Hitting the streets at almost 60 is probably crazy hard to swallow.

We shouldn’t dismiss people’s pain and call for the convenient “he was just a crazy and sick person”, especially in a psychotic society teaching us to be good AND merciless. Which of course doesn’t yield good results especially with white guys because when shit hits their fans, they are the ones falling from the highest point. Everybody else is used to not have all the rights and therefore are more capable to deal with the shittiest shit. This guy went nuts because of the IRS and the government, crashing his plane in a building. Meanwhile, black people deal with the worst statistics possible -employment, incarceration, children death rate- and don’t try that much to make everyone pay for it. Black people even have the lowest suicide rate. Like Paul Mooney says, “white folks, thanks for making us tough.”

Anyway if it’s about mental illness, it’s about society’s not individuals’. This is the one we need to fix.

Reading stuff on FM synthesis and computers I realized something: make this new technology available for as many people as possible was the 80s and 90s motto and we lost that.

The goal following a trend set by the end of WWII was to be affordable. Technology was hype, but not in a hipster way it was just obvious that we should all use it and from the IBM PC to the Yamaha DX7 to the Roland 909, they all aimed at making things available for those who didn’t have the money, the space, the knowledge sometimes to get “the best of the best”.

Through affordability and people’s creativity, these machines conquered the world and became ubiquitous, changing our culture forever. I love that.

Today, technology is snob. Machines are sold at a higher price because brands all want some of that crazy Apple margin so they all sell computers around $1000 instead of $700. People expect $1000 as a starting price now, they want “the best”, despite not knowing anything about much better deals (all these expensive laptops with shitty HD4000, seriously). We don’t even pay for our expensive phones anymore or if we do, we pay half a thousand dollars to look at pictures while taking a shit. Think about that. A 500 bucks tablet for your three year old kid? Come on now.

It’s definitely a change compared to emergent technology from ten or twenty years ago. Technology literacy didn’t spread and manufacturers are using this at their advantage.

The computer industry is now focused on selling pseudo-primo stuff -Intel ultrabook bullshit- to people who don’t understand anything about computers but who are ready to shove whatever price in to impress their friends. It’s not anymore about doing things, it’s about showing off.

All of sudden affordable equals cheap, but I don’t think it does. Netbooks are now going down but the last ones running on AMD allow you to play Crysis. On $450 machines. Doing more with less, people call that Great Value or Yield and usually love it.

So OEMs either sell low-margin cheap products like netbooks and Android tablets to tractor beam customers and then sell high-margin expensive products like ultrabooks. There’s a sweet middle ground to go for but more importantly, it’s no more a free market with choices if one company (Intel) dictates how things work through an oligarchy of vassals.

If I had been told as a kid that I would be in Los Angeles making music in 2012 I would have been like, shut your face hole! And then proceed to high five myself in the mirror with a little dance.

But that’s not all there is. I’m under the biggest stress ever, the kind that takes a bit too many brain cycles. I compensate by nerding out like crazy but that doesn’t feel like enough.

Living between L.A. and Paris for almost four years, 2013 needs to be the year I settle. I’m lucky I have been able to travel but it’s exhausting and making audio really requires a big dose of stability.

Problem is I still am not certain where I will settle, it depends on things I can’t really control. Frustrating. So close.

C’est la vie, bite the bullet hang tight etc

More than ten years ago I went to a feminist forum to learn stuff and then we met in real life and I became bff with six great women.

I can say the same about a funk dedicated message board that made me musically richer more than anything else, brought me countless live music with internet funkateers and great moments.

Where is all of that at with social media (aside of Twitter, kind of special)? I can’t find any big improvement.

Anonymity really helped to create a safe environment for people to share on specific, fascinating subjects. Message boards are not here to be here, it’s meant to be use to argue, to share. Social media doesn’t push anything in depth.

The fav/like/heart mechanic didn’t work with blogs but it sure did with social media enabling users anxiety, passivity and shallowness (this just in). The feed flow gives interesting information a 5 minute window before disappearing.

On message boards, things stay forever and will still be useful for new comers. My articles are still on the first page of one because they’re good enough that people discuss about their subjects, add new things. I love it.

I always thought if you search for something quite general, browse anything. If it’s specific, aim internet forums. I’m currently looking at updating my laptop and on one forum, dudes are listing every single machine matching the specs I want, in my price range, updated daily or so with the last deals. I can’t get that with any search engine, there’s way too much information. There’s no information on a 1 billion people network like Facebook. There’s nothing to help me.

But there are people out there searching for the same stuff and sharing it. They don’t need no like/fav nor they need friends or followers to output things, they just do because they love it. This shit is precious.

I want that genuine, socially engineered internet feeling back. Individuals connecting as they want, all together. No pressure.

But with on one hand generations growing up without boards, BBcode, IRC or web servers, technically illiterate and dependent on FB/Twitter/Tumblr and on the other hand a government and system that really wants to close this free internet and control it, I’m not sure it will happen.

Nerdcore shit, sorry.

Looking at it, things that seem obvious but aren’t for OEMs and all actors of this microcosm.

• WEB

What do we do on the web, most of the time? We read. Displays and text rendering techniques are getting better but there’s one thing that stays out of the discussion: FONTS. We live with like, 9 different fonts and that’s it. Publishing and text should be able to use any type of font, how awesome it would be. We’re starting to have options but there’s no standard and it’s all about hacking. The HTML5 specs don’t contain ANYTHING about this.

Meanwhile they try so hard to run 3D in my browser. It’s useless native apps do that much better, which leads me to:

• 3D

We’re using small form factor devices these days and obviously 3D makes everything hot. So why don’t we already have external graphic cards for when we game? PCI Express allows that and both main graphic manufacturers have solutions ready for this since 2007/2008. It never took off because they suck. And it sucks for us because finding a laptop with enough GPU power without costing you $1000 or looking like a Transformer is a nightmare. Which leads me to:

• AMD

You see today chip manufacturers search for the Holy Grail: being able to make CPUs and GPUs. Intel as huge as they are suck at GPUs, years that they say they have something when they have nothing. Nvidia is starting to make CPUs -only ARM based though- but are really into GPUs. The only company that has experience in both is AMD. The sad part is that they didn’t deliver so well in the past and with Intel pressuring OEMs, machines with AMD tech are always super lame 17” ugly ass laptops. It’s terrible because their shit is really good: a quad-core and 384 shaders units embedded in a slim notebook with which you can play 3D games better -up to twice as much fps, that’s no little bump- than on much more expensive Intel “ultrabook” stuff. Best deal ever.

• APIs

Developers are trying to avoid to be dependent on one company making one OS, but they’re willing to be dependent on one company making an API, which is much more restrictive. Despite countless examples showing how it ruins the ability to build for long, developers don’t rush for open APIs or standards so much. Twitter is the best example. To get news in a stream form we have rss/opml or the new river of news, both totally open. Make apps using these. Don’t silo data, don’t make people sign up. Let the data flow and build/sell nice, simple and designed things around them. People will rush to them.