Author: harold

It’s the holidays and I think about my dad a lot. It’s been a minute and I saw Christmas pictures of him and he doesn’t look happy but when I skype he’s always super joyful.

Thinking about the future, thinking about building houses, thinking about that independent gene that I have, I have so many memories of my dad and I doing things. Starting them, not really knowing what the fuck we’re doing and then completing them.

I remember him getting some pile of sand delivered to make concrete slabs for the family house. I was a kid so it seemed like an entire dune was sitting there on the patio. Of course the first thing I wanted to do what to run on top of it and slide down and scream and laugh. And dad would always be really calm and straight up like “hey, I need this sand to build something, if you jump on it it will get mixed up with the dirt and disappear in the ground, do you know how much that pile of sand costs?”

Oh yeah we fixin’ that too. It’s easy. You just start doing it and then at some point it’s done.

Bam. He was right though. So I quickly became more serious about that, trying to help him out. I remember one day annoying the hell out of him like “can I help you please? I’m bored” and him being like “there’s a broom over there and if you could clean up this area that would help me a lot”. I remember being mad, thinking I’m worth more than that you know? But it taught me that everything is important when you build things and that you have to start somewhere.

We built/fixed/installed so many things I can’t believe it: tiles on the floor, radiant heat concrete slabs, full windows, doors, entire electric systems, full bathrooms, roofs that didn’t exist. Everything. I still remember back when I had just tasted California in 09 I was back home in August to goddamn replace 20m/65 feet of underground sewer pipes in the front yard with PVC pipes and two years later we had to fix a big ass roof, cleaning up every single tile. I mean. My bedroom didn’t exist and my dad was like “yeah it will be up there and I’ll install a small shower in your closet too” and I wasn’t happy about that because it seemed like it was too much, delaying my room –I had a good sense of the importance of getting shit done already- but he fucking did it anyway and it was dope as hell.

That’s his room now.

And that’s what I remember the most. His absolute and brutal persistence. This mental state of I Will Make This Work. Fast forward now and I’m like him, always surprised that most people are scared to do anything if they haven’t done it all their lives. My whole life is about going for it, going at it even if it’s pretty much unfamiliar. Scared, but not scared. Very useful for design stuff.

But also, it’s so insanely satisfying. Taking on a challenge, building something that didn’t exist and then it does! You use and enjoy it and it’s just one of the best feeling ever. You don’t feel like you need to buy shit. you don’t feel like you need to know what others are doing. You’re simply happy and proud. It’s beautiful.

I owned knowing that to my dad. I just wanted to honor him while he’s alive. Merci ‘pa, t’es le meilleur.

What. A. Year. First it feels like 2015-2016 has just been one giant, mad, crazy year. Janet Jackson had a new album out in fifteen called Unbreakable and it’s like well girl TOO SOON. A whole lot of things broke this year.

I DID NOT. I didn’t snap. I could have. Because of work, because of the heat sometimes, because of politics often. Holding strong, in the best shape of my life, my back hurts a bit though. I know why.

A lot of famous people passed away but I still can’t believe Prince is gone. The average speed of gentrification in my neighborhood is now over Mach 3. Yes, black-owned businesses and black tenants are the first to leave and layered with the rest –Philando to Barack- it hurts my god. So much love around though. Yeah, I keep it vague. We all do now that we know that it’s the only way to maintain something nice for a little bit, right?

So there’s that. Onward. Don’t forget to live because wow, things are fragile.

As usual, terrific article. When Ta-nehisi describes the indescribable joy of having so much black excellence around, taking over the very highly symbolic White House (built by slaves if you didn’t know), it’s… It’s something very strong man. Like something that will never not make me weep a bit.

As beautiful as it is though, some things need to happen for a better world. Things that need to happen to a whole lot of people, not just one amazing family.

the president accomplished major feats. He remade the nation’s health-care system. He revitalized a Justice Department that vigorously investigated police brutality and discrimination, and he began dismantling the private-prison system for federal inmates. Obama nominated the first Latina justice to the Supreme Court, gave presidential support to marriage equality, and ended the U.S. military’s Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy, thus honoring the civil-rights tradition that had inspired him.

Actual, real world for most people out there:

– health-care? Still absolute trash and about to get worse.

– justice? Where?

– prisons? Nothing has really changed at all. Probably about to get worse too.

– Sonia Maria Sotomayor as Associate Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States? Great.

– marriage equality thumbs up? Great.

– military reforms? Sort of, great.

Those points don’t achieve shit for 99% of people. Nothing has changed because economic rules have not changed one bit. Banks can still do whatever the fuck they want, bailed out by governments. Companies get the fuck away from workers, automating as fast as possible and we love it as customers. Redlining and gentrification are happening, displacing people. Reparations –that have been scrutinized by the UN and validated- are not on the table of discussions and even just writing it down feels like an achievement to myself. Taboo af.

Nothing has changed. Besides one thing: black people are doing better than ever. So that’s annoying.

That’s where with all the optimism Barack Obama brings in and that I understand very well –like him, I by default trust white people- I share Ta-nehisi Coates pessimism on the future.

Because I know what’s happening: people are reaching for cover. When you reach for cover, you side with people who look like you, it’s probably some reptilian habits and some lack of courage/good ol’ fear. Many white people will side with powerful racists not because they want it but because ultimately it profits them. Survival requires as we know, to do whatever it takes. Asians don’t side with black people as minorities for those reasons, they don’t want to upset their better relationship with white people. They stay neutral (though it’s changing, which is good). Same with Mexicans (25% of y’all voted Trump, let that sink in).

It’s a trip.

The article wonders about what it’s like to be a black man growing up like Barack or Ta-nehisi. I grew up like both in the way that I was surrounded by white people like Barack but I was in a working class and upper middle class setting like Ta-nehisi. What I got from that is that if you look at yourself in the mirror and see a black person, you are black now and forever. It’s simple, not easy. Your environment will shape a lot of your style –that is, I definitely stand out as “different” in a sea of black folks- but you’ll always be black. You will lean black even if it’s only from time to time. Black things and black culture will titillate your senses in ways other things will not. Sometimes it will annoy you sometimes you will embrace it fully.

I guess it’s the same for all cultures and people like me who grew up in a non-traditional culture.

Anyway next time I’ll write about my solutions to all that.

Almost 40 emails to transfer a domain name I own since 2001 to myself. It’s probably easier to walk in the NSA building.

Root and then branches. Ever since books happened, we categorize and navigate information through the same system. Dictionaries follow this rule: letter B, the root. Words starting with B, branches.

During the days of the command line, computers used a tree representation for things. As a kid, it was easy to understand: up and down branches where my stuff is, the root where operating system files were.

Then GUI happened. At first not really a big change, just a graphic tree. But then, shortcuts. Most people still don’t get where their stuff is because of that mapping shit that confuses them.

Then the internet happened. It followed the tree rule too: tree.com/branches. BUT. For some fucking weird reason, engineers thought that it would be super cool to have something that means the exact same but completely destroys the consistency: branches.tree.com

They allowed the branch to be “under” the root so that people really don’t get confused…

in the same vein: websites end with a dot whatever, right? Nope! Let’s have .co.uk and .or.jp (yeah in Japan .org are .or), let’s have weird exceptions to help people out! Medium introduced another stupid thing: instead of having medium.com/user they have a medium.com/@user because fuck your face that’s why. Fuck that website.

In the end, those design decisions mess up a consistent system that we all knew, for no other reason than we can mess up something that worked fine. And subdomain.domain will never not sound weird or fishy.

And so of course people stay on Facebook. Engineers, you suck at design consistency. But more importantly, you drive people away from independence. You foster their weaknesses with your decisions.

1983: 50 corporations controlled the vast majority of all news media in the US.

1987: 29 companies.

2012: 6 companies.

2016: Those six companies are filtered out through one company, Facebook.

There is so much concentration of power, I don’t even know what to say. We just stare at it. It’s virtually impossible to have an influential, independent voice today unless you have a Patreon and someone is bankrolling you. And even then, a powerful person can destroy your independence real quick it’s a thing now and worse, a lot of people think it’s fine.

News are terrible. They are tailored and shaped to attract you because they rely on ads. They all use gross marketing techniques to make you click, even the most prestigious “news brands” do that. We see it all the time. How come the NYT says that! I’m going to share it and get mad! I’m not playing that game anymore, I’m avoiding news especially on my phone when it’s downtime I don’t want to inject my eyes with awful, dreadful news.

Puppy cams are the shit.

One morning hitting Jefferson Blvd, I felt something had happened. Something was missing. Something big and peaceful wasn’t here anymore and it was like Totoro had passed away.

This tree and his healthy 17 brothers and sisters on this block are gone. The city cut them down. How it happened?

Some LA sidewalks are busted, usually by trees roots. It’s the city’s responsibility to take care of them, if a LA resident can’t use the sidewalk he/she can sue the city for that (“trip and fall’ lawsuits). On this stretch, one tree definitely had busted the sidewalk wide open. One tree. What does the city do? Cut them all down including this gorgeous one that wasn’t destroying the sidewalk at all. And of course it’s LA, no one’s walking around and now that this entire block has been deprived of natural shade…

What is sad is how no one wants to do the work and fucking move on. I’ve cut down trees before. It’s a neighborhood issue: take 4 dudes over a weekend to cut the one tree that is annoying, another day to repair the sidewalk and those trees live, the sidewalk is fixed, the city didn’t pay shit, the neighborhood is tighter, people got to know each other and kids can still marvel at that wonderful green giant. Instead it’s a barrage of “if the city had done its job ten years ago” “property owners should have done it” “wasn’t me” BS.

Sorry my big beautiful dude. I miss you.

Having said that,

Man I still can’t believe it. The vibe is weird as hell. I live with three people, all white. At least one voted for our new president. It’s just the unusual and little things you notice. So living this in this historically black neighborhood completely under gentrification, while this shit is happening I can’t.

I keep thinking of Thiel. No one talks about him but that billionaire has a foot in the US office and is on the board of a company that has 1.7 billion people connected together. Between that and his ideas good god I’m trying to not freak out but it’s not easy. I can’t even imagine all the messages and all the dick riding that happened this week, after all the pressure Silicon Valley got after he showed up on the stage of the RNC. That was a defining, scary moment.

That election night picture of Donald surrounded by his staff and family being so not, but like really not into becoming the President of the USA is brutal. He knows all the motherfucking work he will have to actually do, and you can tell he’s not looking forward to it. That picture with Barack is unreal too. So fucking unreal it almost feels like they’re about to say “you know what, let’s just have the country run by itself”

Which in a way, is exactly what is going on. Which is why our new president will not bring any job back. Jobs are gone, are going, profits will rise and redistribution will probably not happen.

What a mess.

As an urban black man who grew up in a foster home in a rural white setting, I have so many feelings.

I know the data and fear that people living in the middle of nowhere feel, I’ve been there. I know the numbers and fear that people of color and minorities living in cities feel, I am here. All legitimates. How to answer them?

Not by having a very controversial Democrat candidate, for one. It is common sense to not have a candidate that represents everything that people in pain hate and don’t want anymore. You have to be completely deaf to not understand that. Well done, white liberals.

It’s done now. All the isms were here, they’re just a bit more validated but it’s not like women weren’t getting molested a few days ago. It’s not like I didn’t get some impossibly hard looks and being called a fucking nigger earlier this year. We are all battling, we were and we will.

Another thing: stop shaming people, really. you give them the strength of ten Hulks and although it might feel cathartic in the end it’s dumb as fuck. People build entire goals they didn’t have because of your funny memes targeting them. Don’t be that person, stop panicking by being petty. Not bringing the light on things you don’t want to thrive is good practice, look at the UN stance on reparations for black people in America: no one talked about it, no one talks about it. You didn’t even know! The silence treatment works, it’s just not sexy.

Anyway let’s move on. Next step for me: voting for the French elections next year. Another one.

Something weird happened this year. I started smoking cigarettes again for half the year, and then I stopped completely. For the first time not smoking tobacco at all. So it’s been like a few months.

It’s weird. First it’s disappointing: I thought I would gain so much more breathing room, I guess I’ve been physically active enough to compensate. It did get better, I don’t have those first 3 or 4 out-of-breath minutes on my bike anymore but it’s not crazy and it looks like it won’t get that much better.

I sweat less. I’m far more sleepy I’m yawning hard at 930pm now.

But also I feel losing a sense of urgency, as if now that I’m pretty much not doing anything against my body I can live forever so no rush needed. It’s fucking weird.

Focus. Really hard to focus in my mind. I can focus on paper and go through the motions but like, why bother? I’ve never felt this way. I suspect nicotine to play on my feelings to get me back on smoking though.

Well last night gave me reasons to go back to smoking YOLO and shit but I won’t. I’ll try.